What do I do?

[IndecisiveTwit]

Wife and I have been married for 9 years, together for 18 (since we were both 17yo) and we have a 7yo daughter. Our marriage is not great, and feels unrecoverable. There is no screaming or shouting, we've just drifted apart.

I do suffer mentally come bedtime, which is typically thinking time for me, and I truly believe we deserve to be happy which I think means both of us trying to move on.

The complicating factor here is that I want to spend as much time with my DD as possible, and would want a 50:50 parenting split which I think would work for DD as she has a good relationship with both of us. My wife has already said if we ever split, that wouldn't happen as she needs my money.

So, what do I do? If I leave, I'll be blamed and won't get the opportunity to see my daughter as I'd like. If I stay, we're both not going to be happy. I'm at a loss!

She can’t dictate how much you get to see your child. If there’s no abuse and you’re a good dad the. You have as much parental rights and responsibilities as the mother. Your STBXW will just have to take a second job or work more hours when your DD is with you if she needs more money. She will have more free time to do that.
However, are you absolutely sure that your marriage isn’t salvageable? If there’s no major issues other than things going stale, perhaps you could work on reinvigorating your relationship. Have you tried marriage counselling? Have you sat down and spoken to your wife about how things are and tried to improve them? I wouldn’t throw in the towel until I’d at least gone to counselling. Especially as there’s been no affair, no abuse, etc. Successful marriage require work to last. If you speak to people who’ve been married 40 years they will all tell you that there was loads of work that had to be done to make it work.

I mean, unless there's history of abuse etc she doesn't really get a say in if she wants your DD more than 50% ~ as long as that's what's right for your DD.

If you're the higher earner, you may need to pay some CMS anyway. But that'll be for the calculator/court to decide. Your wife doesn't get to dictate all the terms!

Why do you suffer at bedtime?