Grandparents and childcare

[Hungrycaterpillarsmummy]

Just looking for advice. Every Thursday my parents have our 3yr old son. Now the schools have Wed to Fri in service days they offered to have our 5yr old over these 3 days. Today is the only day where they had both children.
When I got home my mum said "I've got to tell you (my name), they haven't been the best behaved. (Said in a really condescending tone as if I was the one badly behaved!)
I said "oh right what happened? She told me ds5 was egging on DS3 to be naughty. They were running around in reception when told not to. I said "reception?"
"Yes well we had two appointments today so one of us took them to the shortest one and they were running around"
So I said well I'm not sure what to do. She said "give them a talking to".

I mean...we do but they are young kids not listening. Surely this is typical?! We do shout at them obviously we don't hit them and don't want to.
They, on the whole, are really well behaved. I'd say the last week the older one has been a bit more defiant with stuff but I assume kids go through phases?!

So in the end mum told me they won't have the two of them again.

Just feeling a bit lost and disappointed and sad

Basically your kids were badly behaved and your mum couldn’t manage two of them.
Totally fair for her to not want that again.

id be apologising to my mum and having strong words with the older child, even the 3 yr old can learn to be in a reception area amused and not running amok.

You apologise, thank them for having them even though they had prior commitments and make alternative arrangements for next time.

Do you really think your parents shouldn't have raised this with you?

Just feeling a bit lost and disappointed and sad

Why? Your children were misbehaving and your mum had enough.

Your children were too much for your parents.

I said thanks for having them. I did talk to them whilst she was there so she could see I did that.
But it's more..how do you make the kids do what you're telling them to? I think having an off day is kind of normal so seems harsh to just completely say never having two of them again?

Because they are saying they are never looking after two together which to me is sad as in, the relationship is different - always one on one no experiencing thing as brothers with their grandparents?

And disappointed in the children's behaviour too!

Sounds like they were pretty naughty then!

The only thing she said was about the running around in the reception. If there was something else then I'm not aware of it.

They can still experience plenty of things with their grandparents ‘as brothers’ but you or your husband can be there as well to do any necessary behaviour management.

They don’t want to be your childcare for both children at the moment due to their behaviour-that’s that.

Hmm 5 and 3 and couldn't behave in a reception not good really. Everyone does have off days though are they used to going to places like the doctors etc with you ? Perhaps they were just overly excited and Xmas is coming up (assuming you celebrate) so could all be a bit much for them today.

Maybe ask your mum once she's cooled down if she would reconsider and if it happens again then fair enough.

I get that this sucks but I'd see this as a chance for a bit of a reset. Arrange alternative childcare and spend some time together with your DC and grandparents. Not all grandparents want this sort of responsibility for children so young but do want a grandparent relationship.

Well if your dp’s are not capable of stopping at least the 3 year old from running around then they shouldn’t be minding them.
For one thing it’s not safe.

However your dc were definitely being mischievous and need a sharp telling off.

Where’s the harm in your mum telling you how your children behaved? She was hoping you’d talk to your children and tell them you are disappointed that they misbehaved for their Granny and Grandad.

I expect if you’d been supportive rather than dismissive of the difficulty they had when they were doing you a favour, then they wouldn’t have been so quick to say they wouldn’t have your dc together again.

Yes they are used to it and they are usually really well behaved. At restaurants people have come to tell us how well behaved they are!
DS3 was at the doctor's on Monday and it was just me with both kids and they were really good in the waiting room etc they are good in the supermarket too

It was clear she had a pre-planned speech. I can't describe it but I know my mum! When I tried to say something she closed her eyes and was like "just wait" and then delivered the sentence about not having them together again.

Yes your kids were a bit naughty but they're very young and I think it's to be expected really, if they were being taken to appointments etc. a bit much to expect them to behave impeccably!

I think a lot of grandparents just get to a point where they don't have the energy to deal with young kids. Sounds like your mum has reached that point.

Just say ok no problem and find an alternative. I'm sure they will have both of them again when they're older.

Your mum should have set firmer boundaries and not taken two at once. You should have used a day of your holiday and not made her feel she had to take both of them. Your children. You take holiday entitlement when necessary. Instead, you 'saved' your holiday for a family day and ruined your mum's day instead.

Your mum realised today she isn’t able to safely look after 2 children. Obviously we all know kids have off days. Some days mine don’t listen and I’m furious with their behaviour. Some days they are a delight.
She may change her mind when they are older. 5 and 3 are hard ages. She’s not as young as she once was. It probably was a shock to her that she had no ability to make them behave and has rattled her

That's a nice story you've made up there. 😂😂 My mum looked at the school calendar in advance when ds5 started school in August and told me when the in service days were and then wrote them on our calendar and wrote her name beside them to say she was having them. She offered so I accepted.

So? Maybe she had practised what to say to you in her head so that it came out the way she’d hoped.

Asking her to have your child three days in a row for Inset days might have been far too much for her. Not every grandparent wants to be default child.

Tbh I think they are just tired. They do have a lot of hobbies so this is maybe just one thing too many. I have already asked ds3s nursery of they have space for him on a Thursday

Again, I didn't ask.

Yes I think you're right!

I can see why she's exasperated with you, you're very dismissive.