Friends with Benefits Help

[jinglemybells85]

Need a bit of advice please!

I briefly dated a woman last month, it was only a month or so of dating but I really liked her and hoped things would progress into a (serious) relationship over time. We got on really well, had a lot of fun and there was a little bit of physical intimacy although it never got as far as PIV.

She cooled things off as she said said she had a lot going on in her life and couldn't give me the time that I deserved. I was gutted but respected her decision.

We have continued to message every now and again and she has opened up to me about what's going on in her life, and I'm now much more aware of why she didn't feel a relationship was right for either of us at this moment in time.

Last night, she mention a Friends with benefits situationship. I've never had a FWB or had ONS so this is new territory for me, and would like some advice how I navigate this. I've told her i would like it, and we both seem happy with this arrangement.

I get quite emotionally attached once physical intimacy has started and i am worried that i will want more and if she doesn't , then I will get hurt ( not intentionally by her ) - On the same token, physical intimacy even if just as FWB to begin with could progress into more than FWB once her life has calmed down a bit. If nothing else, we can both enjoy each others company and have lots of fun...

Any advice would be appreciated, thanks!

If you know that you’re someone who easily gets emotionally attached, and who doesn’t do casual sex, then don’t even consider this. She’s made it crystal clear she’s not interested in a relationship. It’s vanishingly rare for a FWB to thrm into a relationship. For most people, they’re a way of having sex without ONS while seeking a relationship elsewhere, and end once the person has found a relationship they want to be in.

Yep you sound too emotional to cope with a FWB. That's not a criticism btw. It is the reality for most people. FWB sound great but they rarely work out and one person nearly always gets hurt.

I’ve had several and always found them fine, but then I’m not someone who finds sex attaches them to a person they don’t already have romantic feelings for. For me, having regular sex with someone I wasn’t in a relationship with was like meeting them regularly for a game of squash or something — a pleasant physical workout. I agree the OP, who knows he could not be so detached, wouldn’t cope at all, though.

I would say don’t do it OP. If you already have feelings for this woman and know you get emotionally attached then FWB isn’t for you.

I know I can’t do sex with without an emotional connection so FWB wouldn’t work for me. I think you’re just setting yourself up to be hurt and have false hope that it’ll end up more than it is when she’s told you that she’s not looking for a relationship with you, just sex.

I considered this option and met someone who I considered it with. But I realised I couldn’t do it and I needed more. I think if you do you need rules in place. I.e only sleeping with each other. The person I spoke to said he goes for dinner etc with fwb but I felt the lines would blur and I would want more. I carried on dating others and found someone who wanted similar to me.

I think those only work if both people are truly not bothered about each other and ideally both shagging other people too.

Not sure why it's become so mainstream because it seems a very unhappy way to live if you want a relationship. You weren't friends before and do this is more a fuck buddy deal?

You started dating because you wanted a romantic relationship with someone, has that changed?
These casual things can take your time and energy away from pursuing your true desires and goals, so be aware of that.