Hi,
Im a mum and married now for just shy of 20 years. 3 years ago life got very hard for us as we lost 5 family members to varying illnesses in the space of 18 months. 1 was a sibling to my husband, one was the long family pet and the other 3 were close relatives of mine. It was a dark time. I was studying whilst working and had to pause my studies. Our children were beside themselves, our youngest was hit the hardest as it was difficult for anyone to comprehend the amount of loss but even more so when you’re only 6. My husband did not cope well and I didn’t really have opportunity to grieve as I was trying to make sure everyone was ok. Following the loss of my husbands sibling he has not been the same person he was before. He became negative and very much a shell of himself. He has had counselling and I have spent time sitting and listening to him. I’ve discussed ways for him to bring more positives into his life. He says things like he has no friends, the death has brought up upset from when he was a teenager and he is constantly in the “what if” conversations and regrets of not being around more with his sibling. It’s been heartbreaking to see. I felt we had turned a corner and he was much better but then his business got quieter due to government changes and he started being very negative again. He’s very self focused. The atmosphere at home is horrendous. He talks to me like everything is my fault, he is snappy with the kids. He is all about work and how he has no hobbies, lots of regrets and no friends. He says he has no money. But I have sat with him and pointed out that this is not true. Yes he made some financial targets and he hasn’t hit them but we are fine financially, he has some amazing friends and we have built a lovely home and family. Both my children are feeling upset and don’t want to spend time with him in fear he will shout and be negative. My youngest cries if I’m not picking him up from school because he says daddy will just be negative in the car and moan about life. My eldest broke down in school this week because he hates how my husband speaks to me. I’m currently quite unwell due to the stress. It’s another Xmas where he has no desire to be involved. I’m back studying and have some really important exams and I’m working still and dealing with what’s now a very toxic environment at home. But I’m trying to help him. I spent 5 hours last night sat talking to him about how we go forward. What I can do, that he should go and seek help. I woke up this morning and went downstairs and in front of the kids he just snapped at me. This upset them. Yesterday I was sent home unwell and I rang him on the way to say I’ll be home and I’m just going to take myself to bed. When I walked in he’d said that it was my fault he couldn’t get any work done since I rang because it meant he had to do things for me now I was coming home and that messed up his plans. But I just wanted to go to bed and I wasn’t expecting him to do anything. I’ve asked him to sleep in the spare room this week because im feeling stressed, I’m now unwell and because I just need space. It’s relentless and I don’t know what to do. My kids called him out on his attitude to me this morning. He said he just wanted to focus on eating his breakfast and he was tired. I love this man more than anything but I am becoming physically and mentally unwell as a result of this relentless toxic environment. I don’t know what to do. I feel he needs to make some steps himself. Saying sorry and empty promises to do things is not working and now my children are upset and it’s impacting on them. I really need help