At the end of my tether

[IcyHedgehog]

I’m at the end of my tether and am so worried about the future.
I’ve been married to my second husband for 11 years. I’m 62. I have 3 grown up children, him the same. The relationship has had its ups and downs, he’s a complex character with anger issues, and I’ve suffered quite a bit from verbal abuse over the years. He has worked hard on his anger management but we have come close to separating countless times. I think he may have narcissistic and autistic tendencies.
I am quite a passive person but can be quite fiery when I’m riled and find it very difficult to cope with his personality.
I keep telling myself that things will get better and we go for quite a while without an incident but this week it’s all flared up again as normal over something trivial. The pattern is always the same. We have a disagreement over something trivial, he loses his temper, blames me for it , will not listen to my side of things and then makes some dramatic statement. He’s moved into the spare room and says he’s not going on holiday next week. We are supposed to be going abroad.
I won’t go into detail over the actual argument because it’s too ridiculous.
I don’t confide in many people but the ones I do tell me to leave him. Each time it happens I get closer but I’m so scared about how to do it. As well as our house we also have a business that I’m involved in and my eldest son has just started working for us. It all seems so overwhelming and complicated.
But I’m also worried about what the future will be like if I don’t do anything. I really don’t know what to do.
Im not really expecting any advice as such but just needed to put something down and wondered if anyone else has been in a similar situation

OP I'm sorry to hear about your situation.

I think you know that he's not going to change and I'm sure this latest argument is the last straw. You both seem quite entrenched in the way you communicate and normally I'd suggest marriage counselling to work on your communication but there are some red flags.

No one should have to tip toe around someone's anger and verbal abuse. He doesn't want to change as this works for him.

I wouldn't rush to do anything. I would get some legal advice regarding where you stand financially. Gather all financial information you can including pension, insurance, investment, house price etc

Have a think about how you want to move forward.

So sorry to read this OP. It really does sound unbearable and you must feel you are walking on eggshells. Your partner is verbally abusive and sounds very entrenched in his views. Don't try to diagnose him, the fact he has anger issues is enough.
Splitting up probably does sound overwhelming and difficult as you have a family business together but it's still doable. Think about your future, do you really want to spend your later years being treated like this?
First step l'd suggest you to speak to Women's Aid for advice and support and then start planning to go your separate ways. Short term re the holiday, go on your own and enjoy some peace whilst you make your plans, then seek leagal advice when you return. Good luck, you can't change him but you can change things for yourself.

Sorry, legal advice obvs!