Navigating the world of online dating

[Crazycatlady001]

Hi
Signed up to mumsnet as I need an outlet 😬😅

im in my mid to late 20s and 6months ago had my marriage annulled (was a very short marriage) after an 8 year controlling and coercive relationship. I am much happier he’s gone, and enjoying living my own life. I’ve a good career and I am very confident in my career and my work. This does not translate into my personal confidence 😅

I downloaded bumble at the start of November not really interested in anything and just to see what it was like. I had no expectations of even messaging anyone due to the horror stories of online dating I’ve heard about.
However within a week im casually messaging back and forth and he asks me for coffee…so I go. It’s lovely we talked for 2 hours and since the start of November we’ve met up around 7/8times for dinner date, theatre date, shopping date and other times at each others houses watching a film etc.

He messages me daily and not overally pushy with constant communication (if I’m busy and don’t reply for ages he’s not pestering me where I am or what I’m doing and vise versa). He’s not very good at making moves, we have slept together but he wasn’t pushing for it and we both were happy to do so it’s nice to not feel controlled in how I should act around him.

I worry that because I’ve only been single for 6/7months I’m doing the wrong thing, that I should be single for X amount of time etc it’s like a battle in my own head. This probably stems from being scared of being vulnerable and getting hurt. It’s only been a month but I keep getting thoughts of telling him it won’t work out because I feel scared 🙈

I’m scared he doesn’t like me but then why would he keep messaging me and I just battle with voices about it constantly. He’s not overly romantic and seems to avoid any type of conversation that hints about if we’d have any feelings for each other. He has deleted bumble off his own bat maybe around 2/3 weeks into going on dates so I did the same too. I know I should just be enjoying this time and having fun but it always goes back to getting hurt as I think I’m starting to like him a tiny bit 😬

not really sure what the point of this message is or what I hope to get from it but here it is 😅

I would really try not to overthink it if you can OP. Just relax into it. Try to enjoy it for what it is. Enjoy your life as well generally. Don't make him your sole focus.

Its not really an online dating question. Its a moving on one, and just go with the flow.

Ah you’re right sorry! I think because I met him online i associate the issues with online dating with the mash of thoughts in my head

I'd hope you're liking him a tiny bit if you're sleeping together, I've always found that kind of necessary 😂
You're right that OLD can be a nightmare, there's a lot of dross, damage and deception, but - there's good people out there and if you found one, well done you! Trust how he is, how you feel.

Try not to overthink this OP, enjoy the relationship for what it is and let it evolve naturally. He sounds nice and showing no red flags so far! We mostly hear about the bad side of online dating but there are some good men out there.
Its early days so try not to let your insecurities spoil things for yourself.Also as a pp said don't make him the centre of your world, get involved in other hobbies and interests as well as enjoying his company.