What do I do

[Kaaldane]

Hi all looking for some guidance please as I’m terrified of leaving. I met my husband 5 years ago, I had a 4 year old at the time, he was so wonderful kind caring, had such a great relationship with my son. My son idolised him, fast forward to about a year ago things started changing he’s become really aggressive, really short tempered. Will scream and shout at me in front of my son, will swear at me and call me names, he calls my son names. We have a daughter now and he tries to get the bare minimum with her but will call her his favourite to upset my son. It takes him weeks and weeks to do anything in our home, he’s become really selfish will only be interested in things that are for him, he’ll go in a mood scream and shout at everyone then will storm off in his car for hours on end. Will only ever apologise over text, I don’t drive I’ve been meaning to learn but he always discourages it then when he’s in a bad mood he’ll go off leave me with both children to do everything and get everywhere on my own. When he’s good he’s amazing a great dad and husband but then when he’s bad he’ll either not speak to me and make the house really uncomfortable or he’ll tell me infront of my son that he hates me and calls
me names. He swears at my son too, he has now decided to join a football team with plays slap bang in the middle of a Saturday so he has the whole day to himself and everytime I talk to him about it or try to come to a compromise he tells
me it’s what he loves he’s not giving it up and goes mad at me for even implying it. When something is important to me he’s never present or does something to ruin it, I booked and paid for Christmas photos for our children and wanted a nice family one. All I asked of him was to get his hair done and my sons too. He kicked off and stormed out all morning so I wouldn’t get the photos I wanted, yet when it’s an outing for him or football he’s up early getting everything he needs to done. I do 90% of the parenting now I’m supposed to do all Saturday on my own too and Sunday is taken up by my son’s sports so it’s me again with the baby. all I get from him when I tell him I’m upset or unhappy is ‘if you’re not happy leave’ ‘if you don’t like it leave’ but I have two children now and a failed marriage. I am scared.

Do as he suggested - leave.

Op you cannot raise children in an abusive home, watching their mother abused.

Is this what you want relationship wise for them when they grow up? Because children learn from example about what is to be tolerated.

Also, I don't want to scare you but, if your son tells anyone at school about this abusive home environment, social services could get involved and you could ultimately lose your kids. Frankly, it would also be the right thing as children shouldn't be in an abusive home.

So what if its a failed marriage? Big deal. 50 percent of marriages fail! Its nothing to be ashamed of.

Have you any supportive family or friends that will have your back when leaving? Do you own the home?

Speak with women's aid and a solicitor and get him out and the divorce rolling. Don't stay with abusive men.

You need to leave OP. This is no life for you and your children.

Life is never really easy - you need to choose your hard. One thing is for sure though - you and your children will be so much better off without this horrible man.

Also (and I say this kindly) you need to protect your children from this abuse. You are setting an example for them. This should the motivation you need to leave.

Contact Women's Aid - they provide a wide range of support.

Coercive Control — Laura Richards

My heart breaks for your poor son. How can you expose him to this brute?

Your son relies on you to keep him
safe - you are in control of who he is exposed to please get him away from this abusive pathetic bully

Someone is abusive to your son? You leave.

Forget all “when he’s good he’s amazing” bollocks ! The bad outweighs the good so much here… he’s calling you names and swearing at you and your son ! Saying your daughter is his favourit in from of him. My mum said that in front of me when I was young about my sister - I’m 36 and never forgot it. All this behaviour, your Son is going through it too. You need to leave for you kids and yourself ! Xx

You really do need to leave this abusive man OP , for the sake of your children and for yourself. You cannot allow this very real damage he is doing to continue.

Do you have any family or friends who.can support you?

I agree with pp who suggest contacting Women's Aid.

He's volatile, unstable, selfish and just a thoroughly unpleasant man.

You must leave him and raise your children in a harmonious atmosphere.

He doesn't love you, care about you or respect you and hates your son.

That scum bag shouldn’t be around any children.

He's not amazing he's a vile, abusive bully. You need to split up for the sake of your poor children please don't subject them to this! As others have said contact Womens Aid for advice and support. What's your housing situation, can you afford to leave or is it your house?

Did he get more abusive when you were pregnant, abusive men do this as they think you are trapped. Is it your house or his.