How long did it take you to be ok again after a breakup

[eRobin]

If you were lonely/had mental health issues/co-dependency/it was an abusive relationship. it has been just over a year since my breakup, and I am only just about starting to feel somewhat ok. I suppose how everyone defines that is different. I don’t obsess over them everyday anymore, I don’t always dream about them when I go to sleep, I have more of my energy back, I don’t feel as depressed as I did. I feel more like me. So I’m doing better, but it took a long time. I feel judgemental about how long it’s taken me I know others would say because it was a short relationship that I’m crazy and only people who’ve been in long term relationships take this long to start to feel ok again but I want to know if that’s actually true or not

I once took FOUR years to get over someone I never actually even dated. And even then I think I only moved on because I happened to get a new job and relocated! (He wasn't a colleague)

Pretty sure I'd still be in the mire of it and staring down the barrel of my 8th year otherwise 😂

The relationship was from the end of September and ended in early December. But he had clearly checked out two weeks after we got together because he was asking another woman on a date. He said it was a joke.
what does moving on mean for you exactly

Depended how strongly I felt about the guy. The more I liked the guy, the longer it took to get over him.

In my experience it's not linear. I'm 6 months down the line from leaving my abusive marriage and just starting to feel like I'm finding some peace and stability. But there have been a lot of ups and downs and I wouldn't be surprised if there are more to come.

Why are you judging yourself? If the relationship was toxic or traumatic that's going to take some time to heal from & make sense of, as well as the grieving and 'normal' breakup processing. Go easy on yourself.

I'd say it took me a good 2 years to really be "over it". Getting over an abusive relationship is different to a "normal" one. As a PP said, there's also the trauma element.

An abusive relationship tends to be all consuming. So there's a big hole that's left when it's over. Ultimately it will take as long as it takes to feel better. There is no rule on how long that should be.

Moving on usually for me means there are no strong emotions attached to the previous relationship anymore. Time really does do it’s work healing.

I move on by doing new things, meeting new people, then finally dating. Keep very busy and distracted and you’ll get there. The worst possible thing you can do is wallow at home.

The amount of progress you make is directly attached to how often you allow yourself to think and ruminate on this person.

I think it can take longer if there's no proper closure, usually in longer relationships/marriages the relationship is dead for months if not years so the bulk of the processing of emotions is done before the break up. But in intense, all consuming relationships, and particularly where they mess with your head, demonstrate coercive control and where there was love bombing, this can really be hard to move on from as it leaves you in a confused state. It can be really traumatic. At least you've taken the time, however long you need to process and move on.