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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Practically telling someone how to love me :(

3 replies

Littleoldme789 · 03/12/2024 19:17

Been with dh for 17 years, we have 2 children. Over the years he’s had his fair share of talking to women (always my fault) we’ve got through it but we’re now in a rough patch again. We are trying to work though it but it’s hard. He does things to make me react and then plays the victim card and just turns really cold. He’s doing stuff on purpose I think to just make me feel like I’m going mental. Like little things. It’s basically me telling him the things not to do that make me feel crappy for me to then give him agg so to speak. I’ve told him not to do things that make me question him or makes my mind race. I’ve basically how to tell him how to treat me like be nicer to me, show me affection etc you get my drift. Now I’m kind of thinking if I’m telling him how to treat me he really doesn’t love me at all and I really have no self respect 😞 i love him I wish he loved me as much as I loved him but if he did he’d know how to treat me. Thank you if you’ve made it this far.

OP posts:
Florence19791 · 03/12/2024 19:20

So sorry you are going through this. No words of advice really but it’s does sound like you deserve so much more.

WinterCrow · 03/12/2024 19:41

Is he really worth any more effort from you? I'd focus your energies on yourself and your DC, and how you can get the most out of a future separation.

Pinkbonbon · 03/12/2024 19:41

Why are you wasting your breath telling a tiger to stop chewing on your leg?

He.means.you.harm.

You know he's an abuser right?
You're not his partner -you're his victim.

Stop explaining his abuse to him. He knows it's abuse. He WANTS to abuse you. He WANTS you to think you're the problem.

Until it clicks with you that this person abuses you and wants to, and get yourself out I this relationship, your whole life will be trying to tell a tiger that wants to eat you that it's a tiger and you'd like it to stop ripping you apart.

Wake up. He's a psychopath.
Get out.

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