hello I'm really looking for some advice on my marriage please.
i love my wife more than anything we have five gorgeous children that deserve the world, but I'm really struggling to cope with our life arrangements at the moment. she works 3 - 4 days a week. i am self employed so on her working days i watch the children, which left me 3 - 4 days to work myself. with this arrangement i could just about manage. i pay all the bills rent, gas, electric, food, holidays etc.. we can't afford child care so we manage as best as i can, this arrangement worked fine and we never argued. this same problem happened a few years ago she put our son into a football team that trained twice a week and played twice a week all over the country. which meant on those days i was also left watching the kids. this carried on for around 2 years which meant i ended up hardly going to work and i spent around £70,000 in savings on bills and stuff because i just ended up sitting at home all day everyday which put me in a bad place. i ended up takin painkillers and other things to cope as I'm just not built to sit in a house a look at four walls. i did voice my concerns over this a lot but her reply was my sons football is more important than your work..
anyway fast forward 18months he left that team and eventually gave up football which basically gave me my life back so i could work. i will also add i never go out drinking i rarely see any friends ever. the only social time i have is when i go to the gym. things were great i got off the pills me and my wife never argued in this time. things were fantastic i could work again and had my financial stability back.
just recently she's now put him back into a football team fridays and sundays which now means I'm stuck watching our baby again while he goes. it has now put me back in the same hole and anytime I've tried to bring this up she calls me a bully and pathetic.so eventually i end up shouting about it which i know is not good and I'm bad for that, but then once I've actually blew my top about it she runs onto her whatsapp messages and talks about me to her friends making me out to be a bully and a monster. when in reality i just want to be able to provide for my kids and i have zero savings left.
i never buy any clothes for myself other than rip off clothes when were on holiday. 1 year i begged her not to book any holidays as it was really putting me under financial stress. she book SEVEN!!! more than we have ever been on,
so far this year we have had four holidays that i couldn't afford.
even tho she knows I'm under financial stress I've caught her stealing money from me. she comes in and puts all the heating and electrics on and just leaves them on all day. no consideration for the massive bill I'm eventually going to receive.
she spends most of her days on facebook and just sitting staring at her phone.
sex is virtually none existent like once every few months she tells me this is normal for a 30 year old and all her friends do it once every few months or less.
if i dare ask for it she says its all i think about and im a "typical man"
i know this doesn't mean a lot to some people but it makes me feel so shit and unwanted and if i tell her she just says I'm being silly
she doesn't bother with me in anyway. i literally hinted at her flirting with me just to make me feel like I'm attractive and I'm wanted and the best she could do is say "your attractive" and then the conversation went down the toilet.
i don't think I've ever been out with friends other than my stag do in the 13 years with been together yet she's been out 100s of times and walks in at 3am in the morning from works do's etc.
im no angel and I'm not potraying myself to be. but all i want to do is work for my kids. i do not drink or go out clubbing ever. if I'm not with my kids I'm either at work or catching half hour at the gym.
when she goes out with me she never makes an effort but if she goes out with friends she looks a million dollars.
i guess what I'm asking is should i walk away?? i don't think she loves me at all. i think she just likes the service i provide so she can live how she wants.
I'm losing my mind and i don't want to end up back addicted to painkillers etc to deal with it. i have spoke to her numerous times about all this and she calls me controlling and says I'm gaslighting her and stuff like this.
also can i add when i voice concerns over things she will message her friends and try to make it sound silly like "he's threatening to leave me because our sons playing football again" to which they'll all call me controlling and silly because she's not explaining the whole situation how its taking away my work life.
she did the same thing with a dog she bought. we have had 3 dogs here we had to get rid of the first two. she bought another one even though i begged her not too as she never cleans up after it and doesn't look after them. the 3rd dog has now tore apart my £4000 astro turf in the garden and there is dog mess everywhere in my garden, i don't go out there anymore. but when i voice concerns she messages her friends and makes it sound silly like " oh he's threatening to leave again because i bought a puppy" and then they all talk about me like I'm controlling or something or I'm pathetic
any help please I'm such a mess