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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Boyfriend lied

7 replies

Kombuchaja · 03/12/2024 09:25

Hi all,
a bit of perspective please.
ive been with this guy for about a year, communication has always been good, loads of texting during the day, almost daily phone called etc
He'd always keep me updated on his whereabouts.
But then the other night something happened. He messaged me that he was at home tidying etc, even messaged an hour later to say he was going to bed as he was expecting a busy day the next day. Then I found out he was actually out in a bar with friends.
When I asked him about he intially lied, then said he went out after he sent me the “going to bed” message and when I said I don’t believe any of it, finally admitted that we was in fact out but pretending to be at home.
His explanation : he didn’t want me to think he goes out that much and that he should have been spending the evening with me and not out.
None of it makes any sense as I don’t actually mind him going out and also we had no plans to see each other that evening. I’m just baffled as to why he acted this way. But what’s more it’s now making me question everything else, how many times has he done that before and I had no idea. There is no point continuing this, is it?

OP posts:
LittleGreenDragons · 03/12/2024 09:28

Nope, no point in continuing a relationship with a bare faced liar. Your reality will no longer be a normal one.

Based on this lie - how do you know you are in a relationship with him? Or even a monogamous one?

Beamur · 03/12/2024 09:31

I think you've caught him out but this won't have been the first time.
When you lie when there's really no reason for it at all, I'd question how able is to actually be consistently truthful.

pimplebum · 03/12/2024 09:32

Get your self std checked , sorry

TenderChicken · 03/12/2024 09:34

It's definitely a bad sign. It was an unnecessary lie, it would lead me to assume he must be lying regularly.

Does he feel he needs to hide his nights out because he's up to no good?

Yessssssscxxx · 03/12/2024 09:42

It would make me wonder what else he's lied about. He had no reason to lie, as you said you don't mind him going out and you didn't have plans to see each other. This won't be the first time and it won't be the last if you carried on the relationship. You'd always be wondering whether he's telling the truth or not. I'd end the relationship.

TwistedWonder · 03/12/2024 10:56

LittleGreenDragons · 03/12/2024 09:28

Nope, no point in continuing a relationship with a bare faced liar. Your reality will no longer be a normal one.

Based on this lie - how do you know you are in a relationship with him? Or even a monogamous one?

First response nails it. Lying is an absolute deal breaker for me. It’s a horrible character trait

Kombuchaja · 03/12/2024 11:10

LittleGreenDragons · 03/12/2024 09:28

Nope, no point in continuing a relationship with a bare faced liar. Your reality will no longer be a normal one.

Based on this lie - how do you know you are in a relationship with him? Or even a monogamous one?

Yes you are right, as I am questioning everything now
I asked if he was seeing other people and he obviously said no, but I now doubt everything he says
its horrible

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