How can someone treat your family so rubbish

[pumpkincorn]

I tried forgiving my husband after he cheated may 2023 he hasn’t been trying to fix our relationship he’s done jobs around the house but nothing in effort to us. I’ve asked for more intimacy for months and he’s ignored me told me to look at the bigger picture he’s continually sneaky with his phone and would listen when I said it was a trigger for me. This year he’s become more horrible to our boy calling him fat and constantly being nasty about him to me he said my relationship with my son was weird and made him feel sick he told me he thinks our son fancies me and he was trying to replace him. He’s also told me my son will have no respect for me when he’s older and I’ve ruined him and he’s never been able the relationship he wanted with him because of me. My husband blanked me all day of the 18/11/24 when I got home he told me he wasn’t in love with me anymore and he’s never coming back he was moving out as he’s got a life he never wanted a child and animals he never wanted he loved me in away he didn’t want to see me decapated. He now says he will be able to have a better relationship with our son without me in the picture but he wants to stay friends with me. I packed his clothes and he gave me a row because he wanted to do it a bag at a time and I told my best friend he had left and she told her husband who messaged my husband who was furious I had let them know and he’s said any chance of us getting back together was gone because I had told my friend. He’s gone even more distant and cold he doesn’t seem to have anything going on behind his eye he’s blaming me for our relationship failing bring up silly things from the past and next breath telling me he forgives me as I’m a nice person he told me hated me and resents me the night he left I was unattractive he doesn’t like me touching him I repluse him he loses his erection during sex because I’m dry and smelly. But he can have a wank and he doesn’t loss it. He told me he hopes someone can find the happiness he couldn’t and I need to get myself back to being happy because he doesn’t care anymore and he’s going to put himself first because he doesn’t care about anything anymore he’s lost interest in everything and it’s my fault. I tried reaching out and tried to get him to see since last year I’ve had days I wanted to leave and been stepping on egg shells but he didn’t care I’ve been 7 days no contact and he hasn’t messaged. I’ve asked him before no contact if he could still help me financially he said he would but the figure he offered was £100 less than he normal helps he’s the higher earner and he’s done the food shops extra money that he’s now not helped with he said he would be paid and hasn’t put it in the joint account and next pay would be February he says I’m a financial drain on him and he’s poured money into our house always making sure we had nice food in the fridge and my dinner on the table and a bath run when I got in but I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere after work and if I did he would show off so I had to be home. He’s told me he’s got £18,000 debit to hmrc and he’s not being paying it because he’s helping me financially as a couple we only have a £1500 overdraft which we are constantly in but we do have more than this. He now wants to be father of the year but he’s been so vile recently telling me he wanted to fucking head butt me because I went in his safe in the bedroom and found the girls number on a lotto ticket dated 2014 and a list of woman he’s slept with he’s always told me he never remembers the woman he had slept with. The next day he came to the house and took 90% of his things and furniture and told me again he doesn’t care he’s concentrating on his happiness I’ve only ever loved him and wanted him to be happy he said few years ago that life is a simulation and different levels of shit last year he said he would kill himself if we broke up now he’s said he will kill himself if he stays and that I’m toxic and caused him trauma. He still says our son has the potential to be nice and lovely and I’ve told him our son is lovely and wonderful and he needs therapy because his view on our sons isn’t right he’s never spent much time with our son always working and now says that’s my fault because he was supporting me financially. My brother died in icu this year he was only 39 and he didn’t come in the family car or stand in the family area he told me my speech wasn’t great and the coffin wasn’t his taste and the video tribute was took long he wouldn’t have come to the cremation if he knew how long it was going to be and he only came for me. He started teaching me how to fish last year and we’ve had some really nice times he’s bought loads of fishing stuff for us both now he says he hates fishing and he had only gone because I liked it. I’m at a loss of how I’ve made so many excuses for him over our 13 years together and how I’ve not blamed him for lots in the past but now everything is my fault. I’m concentrating on our son to make sure I navigate this next step in life protecting him I’m just trying to understand where the man I loved went or if he ever existed why didn’t he want to leave last year but now it’s my fault that’s I’ve pushed him away and I don’t listen unless it’s a contastroph I feel like he's moved on already while I'm picking up the pieces of a life I never expected to come crashing down and a man who took over everything to someone who can just walk away after all the shit he's said and done. I want to be happy I want more importantly my child to be happy and keep him safe he doesn't deserve a dad that's openly said he never wanted children in front of him. I'm confused on what's next for the future where do I start getting my boy and me though this I applied for help with bills and universal credit I'm feel really angry then really sad because my husband has had everything his own way and even now he's not happy and it's all my fault

OP I found your post quite confusing but I'm thinking that he's gone now.

I'm sorry to hear about your brother. 💐You might find Cruse helpful for bereavement counselling.

Your ex? husband is abusive. If you haven't already I would contact your local domestic abuse organisation and get some support.

I would also do the Freedom Programme to learn about healthy relationships.

You can apply to the CMS for support for your child and I would get legal advice regarding divorce. Wikivorce has lots of information. Gingerbread has a great helpline for any questions about being a single parent.

I would download a co parenting app to communicate about your child and if he threatens to kill himself, call an ambulance.

As PP said, he’s abusive. It’s all on him. None of this is your fault and you do not deserve to be treated like this. Contact women’s aid for support because from what you’ve said, I would expect him to continue to abuse you post separation.

Block him on phone, email and social media. Report his abuse to the police and get women’s aid to help you navigate a non mol and an occupation order.

I don’t know what age your son is but I’d imagine he’s going to use child contact as a way to continue post separation abuse of both you and your son. Tell the school what’s happened and find out what support they can offer to your son. They might be able to provide some counselling for him because it sounds like he’s been a victim of your husbands verbal and emotional abuse too. And he will have witnessed your husbands abuse of you. This is very distressing and damaging for children and he will benefit from getting some support.

Once you get a non-mol, have the locks changed so he can’t access the house. Put up a ring doorbell so record if he comes to the house and you can report him.

Please get a sexual health check because he has been sleeping around and put your sexual health at risk.

This book will help you see some of the tactics he’s employed in his abuse of you. It’s free.

https://www.docdroid.net/2fZmz40/why-does-he-do-that-pdf

Only communicate with him about child contact via a parenting app if you have to. Do not get drawn into anything. Learn the grey rock method and employ it.

https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method

Please contact women’s aid today. This man is vile. He’s highly abusive and he sounds unhinged. They are the best place to get support and advice on how to navigate this situation for you and your child.