How do I get out of this?

[therealmum1]

I have been with my boyfriend for 10 years, I am late 20’s, he’s mid 30’s and we have a 5 year old. Our relationship has been stale for a couple of years now. I am very resentful he hasn’t proposed, he knows how important it is to me and always promises he will but years go by and he makes different excuses each time. I’ve watched family, best friends, basically everybody get married and he knows how much this has hurt me but he has never made any effort to reassure me my time will come, it always ends in an argument that I need to lump it and wait. I know the saying ‘if he wanted to, he would’ and I’m just hurt that he hasn’t wanted to for all these years.

Also, he does absolutely NOTHING around the house and never has done. He either goes out at the weekend or will sit around the house watching me rushing around to get everything done. He will go up to bed and leave everything downstairs for me to do. He will rarely walk our dog. I can’t remember the last time he cooked for me, or even offered to make me a hot drink. I could count on one hand the amount of times he’s done bath and bed time. He then expects me to want to have sex with him constantly?!! He picks up on how miserable and unaffectionate I am but I feel he would never leave as he’s living the life of riley.

So basically, I am a single mum already and have been for years. I have got completely bored and fed up of him. I don’t want to spend any time with him, let alone be in a relationship but I feel I’m stuck. We rent, which he’s paid for as I work part time in a school to fit around our child. I feel if I am the one to suggest we split up, I will have to leave (with DC of course) but I can’t afford to private rent, so it would mean moving back in with my parents temporarily and starting from scratch, potentially wait ages for a council house, furnish it etc. I feel so trapped. Any advice welcome please 😔

You don’t need advice, you know what to do. Move in with your parents, get on the housing list, apply for child maintenance. Good luck!

If I were you I’d make a plan.

First off, stay with him whilst you secure a full time job and utilise family / friends / after school clubs where possible. Maybe try to find something that’s remote or hybrid if that helps - also, your DP can surely do one or two pick ups a week? tell him he needs to discuss with work - us women have to do it all the time.

I’m a completely single mum and I’m very honest about my situation with work. People have been nothing but helpful and understanding.

Once you’ve had a FT job for a few months, prepare to leave. If you can, move in with your parents for 6 months and save like crazy/gradually buy the furniture you need from FB marketplace. Then you’ll be able to rent a place for you and DC. You may be eligible for universal credit to help with cost of living / childcare - and your DP may need to pay maintenance. You can do this. Starting from scratch now will be a lot easier than starting from scratch in 10 years.

Being free of a toxic relationship with a useless man is worth 6-9 months of hustling! good luck!

Your life will be so much better without him in it. I agree with others, you need to move in with your parents for the time being.

He is never going to change, no matter what you try, so you might as well stop trying. No use in flogging a dead horse.

@Goldie83 has given you the best advice you're going to get OP.

Good luck, go and live your life happily x

So you tell us you are upset that he hasn't proposed, which I can understand, but then you describe a complete knobhead. Why would you want him to propose to you? You deserve so much better than him. Throw him back in the river and start your life again without him.