Any advice welcome

[ThatFastHedgehog]

Hi!

Just at abit of a crossroads and need some advice

so i’ve been dating a guy for around 2ish months who i met on a dating app - everything started off so sweet as it usually does - we went on amazing dates, he wined and dined me, compliments, flirting, conversation was great, and since we matched on this app we have been texting loads, FT calls etc. I couldn’t believe how great everything was going! About a month and a half in we were both infatuated with each other and he asked me to be his girlfriend and said he had deleted his apps (so I done the same) you get the gist? Everything seemed perfect! However over the past week a few cracks are starting to show and I’m not sure if it’s me being silly and overthinking or if there is genuinely something wrong… at the moment the level of effort he puts in is minuscule in comparison with how he was at the beginning. Not as much texting, dry and dull when we do speak, he never compliments be anymore and it doesn’t feel exciting after only 2ish months - and honestly Something feels “off” I messaged him a few days ago saying if this were to work I may need abit more from him in terms of communication, flirting etc and he got abit angry with me and said he thinks he does enough and he doesn’t know what more he can do. I then apologised as felt abit silly.

its still such early days and I’m worried that he’s gone off me? Something just doesn’t feel right. I’m worried that if I bring it up again it’ll cause another argument and I absolutely hate any sort of conflict. Just not sure what to do.

Personally, I'd let it cool off. It sounds like it's taken a downward turn for some reason.

You can't know him that well after just two months but it's evident that he's not much of a communicator.

Again, it'd be unwise to be so invested in him after such a short time so to avoid conflict, leave any further contact up to him. You've done your bit.

He's love bombed, now he's got you where he wants you (on the back foot, constantly looking for ways to please him, to get him back to how he was before) so he's dropped the act.
Bet you my last Pringle if you tell him you're not interested anymore he'll reel you in again. Tell you he was quiet because he was "scared by the strength of his feelings for you", drop hints of engagement rings etc.
Drop him now.

What they said

Thanks for replying - I was hoping this one was genuine. Knew it would be too good to be true

It may not be that he's losing interest. It could be that he's become comfortable and doesn't expect to have to make the same level of effort he did at the beginning when he was going all out to impress.

I find in dating that texting non-stop, constant FaceTimes etc do naturally reduce at the 2-3 month stage - mainly as it's not sustainable. But also if things are going well both sides can relax a bit and things become a bit more "routine". It's not necessarily that the honeymoon phase is over already. I think it's more at this stage it's more about resuming your 'Normal' life and incorporating each other gradually more into that.

However, it's up to you decide if this "normal" is enough for you?

I'm not saying you need to accept it. Absolutely don't settle if it's not what you feel is what you want. However, I don't think you can be 100% sure he's actually losing interest.

Having said all that - there is a possibility he's losing interest. I just don't think you've given enough context for us to say

Sorry, but I can't get past "he asked me to be his girlfriend".

Who made him the boss of you?

Definitely sounds like you've been love bombed to get you hooked. I'd cut my losses and run now but if you're willing to give him a chance, I'd watch very carefully for any signs of 'devaluing' as this is normally the next stage. Will be things like less compliments, little digs, not contacting you a for a few days or taking less time to reply to messages, comparing you to exes, being less affectionate etc.
Generally, if you're instinct is telling you something feels 'off', it's usually for a reason.
I could've saved myself a lot of emotional turmoil if I'd listened to my owbln advice!!

2 months is not a long period of time, I'd be still expecting effort at this stage.

But what's a massive red flag is that you've communicated to him your needs and he's reacted with anger and isn't prepared to discuss the issue with you. That alone would have me running for the hills.

Imagine there was a big issue in the relationship and you wanted to discuss it with him, if he reacted in a similar way - he's basically getting annoyed at you and telling you 'it's his way or the highway' just no.

What @JustWalkingTheDogs said really.
2 months is no time at all - so if he's stopped making an effort already what do you think he'll be like in a year or more?
Also the being angry with you for you expressing your needs is a big red flag IMO. He's already teaching you to no question his actions and put up with the bear minimum.

As with everyone - you deserve more than the bear minimum. Your instincts are trying to tell you something and do listen to them. When you are dating the right person - it's easy. If it's not easy - he's not the right person for you.

I don't understand this comment - I've been asked to be people's girlfriend and people's wife before now - it's just asking to put your relationship on a more solid footing, or I am misunderstanding your comment? How does it make anyone the 'boss'? Particularly when you say 'No thank you' as you have a choice.

It could be love-bombing, or it could be a natural cooling off period - both can happen. Also December is a crazy time of year - there are so many conflicting priorities for people, that it can be difficult to keep on top of good communications when you're being pulled in lots of directions. A good friend of mine has asked me when I'm free to go for a drink this month - I could only give them two dates as I have 3x birthdays, 3x hobby group events, 3x family meals and that's not including all of my work commitments. December is nuts.

I don't think texting him was the way to go about addressing it with him I'm sorry - we all know that tone can be a problem - if you are genuinely concerned (although you say it's only been a week?) then have a sit down conversation with him and get it out in the open, honestly and without confrontation. It may be that you have different interpretations of the situation, or it may be that you are ultimately not compatible, but the best way to work that out is to talk about it, face to face. Hope it works out in the best way possible for you both.

Chat to him in person as the previous OP said above. It's still early days.

Obey your instincts, they are with you for a reason.

If you feel uncomfortable and something is off, and it seems like you’re not even enjoying it anymore. Cut your losses and run. Who wants to start a relationship that already feels like flogging a dead horse, you can do better, much better.

Respect yourself and draw a boundary by getting out.

Accepting this treatment now will mean you get more of it and worse.

Sounds like classic love bombing, lucky for you it wore off very quickly and you’ve picked up on it. So you can get out of there before you feel too attached.

Is his name Nick?!