How do you know?

[Imgoingtobesick]

I suspect my husband is seeing someone else, but have no definite proof. I don't want to tear our family apart if I'm being stupid. But also expect I'm being incredibly nieve. He said he was at work last week, his car wasnt there. He says his mental health is bad, so his going out with friends, loosing weight and working out. Wwyd. If I say anything he will turn it around on me

Does he constantly have his phone with him and is it locked?

Why not buy an air tag and stick it to his car?

Cause that’s stalking and illegal?!

Can you call his work and ask if he was there? Tbh if the trust I had in dp was such that I really thought he might be having an affair we would be over.

@Imgoingtobesick, your unsettled feelings are valid. He is suddenly making changes and lying about his whereabouts. How is his behaving at home?

Have you investigated his phone, statements, pockets, car, etc.?

So are all the other suggestions which will follow 🤷🤷

Personally think the air tag is a genius idea!

Would you say the same if a man posted that he was paranoid about his female partner cheating because she was losing weight and struggling with her mental health?

You would genuinely advocate for a woman to be tracked unknowingly by her partner?

If you're going to any lengths of tracking/monitoring your partner, then your relationship is over, regardless of if they are cheating or entirely innocent.

Someone got a post deleted on a different thread yesterday for suggesting tracking their husband covertly...

You wait and watch some more.

(my husband had an affair. The signs were mentionitis, the beginning of the script, teeth whitening and fake tan?!, deleting pics of me from social media, avoiding sex)

He's deleted his social media, got a new phone with new lock. Used to know the last one.

He's got new friends he mentions alot (male). I've heard about the script many times, but where can I check what it is exactly?

I've always considered that once the trust is gone that's it, but being here is different. I don't want to throw away 18 years on a hunch/potential MH crisis

Yes

Same if it's is MH I'm being an unsupportive wife, if it isn't I'm gullible and being fed a line

Don’t assume he’s necessarily cheating with a woman …

"Would you say the same if a man posted that he was paranoid about his female partner cheating because she was losing weight and struggling with her mental health?"

Probably not, but on the other hand, if she was saying she was at work when she wasn't, going out with friends a lot, making an effort to improve her appearance, working out, had deleted her social media, had mentionitis about new friends, and was welded to her new (and locked) phone...?

Honestly I think a lot of the time people never get solid proof until either they leave or they get left and suddenly there’s a new partner on the scene immediately. If you’re genuinely at the point of believing he is having an affair, and many of the things you’ve said would suggest that, I’d plan to leave. A relationship of worrying and anxiety about where he is, what he’s doing, what he’s hiding is no way to live for anyone and it will turn you into someone you don’t even recognise. At the point you’re even considering air tags etc you’d be far better off just making plans to leave.

If you get on his phone and there isn't anything suspicious in messages...look for an app that hides pics/vids. Normally disguised as something else! If he gets suspicious of handing you his phone when you ask for it randomly to look for something (make out yours has died) then he's definitely hiding something.

I would just watch & wait for a bit if I was you!

I thought my ex husband was cheating ( I was right) but one night we were cuddled on the sofa
His phone vibrated a text alert in his pocket, I didn't think anything of it but glanced at the clock for some reason 10:00pm!

So next night I watched him, 10:00pm his phone vibrated again - good night message!

Once you start taking notice it's easy to spot!

It was only after the fact that I realised that there were signs. She was on Whatsapp at weird times, such as the early hours of the morning. Also, there was an overt interest in perfume. Not unusual in itself but she isn't a great perfume wearer. She'd have a couple of daytime perfumes she'd wear, and that was about it. She also started shaving her pubic hair. Again, not an unusual thing, but uncharacteristic for her.

All these signs passed me by. I didn't think she was actually seeing someone.

Thank you all. I'm going to go with the be more observant and work out the practicalities of splitting.

Trust your gut OP. I knew something was up with my DH. All the same signs you're seeing. I pushed hard and he eventually told me the truth.

But if it were to happen again I wouldn't wait to hear the truth. Decide what you'll tolerate feeling and what you won't.

The red lines for me now come with anything feeling hidden, feeling like he's being cold or just me feeling like somethings off.

You don't need proof he's cheating, he doesn't really even need to be cheating, for you to say you won't accept feeling like this anymore.

Sending lots of strength your way.

Whatever happens know that you are not less, not crazy, not a nuisance. Stay strong and put your boundaries in now.