This is my first time posting in here. Decades ago, I was an avid poster on Handbag.com and I had a lot of support on there which helped me to leave a really abusive relationship, and just being able to talk to people on there really helped me.
I've left an abusive relationship that has been on and off for nearly five years now (5 years in Feb 25). When we first met I really fell for him in a big way. I loved him. He was handsome, funny and charming and he played guitar and I loved listening to him and we would have long conversations. I lived in a HMO (house of multiple occupation) at the time and we started seeing each other just as lockdown started. All of the housemates got on really well, and we would all sit around playing cards, drinking, talking. It was like a little family unit. Three weeks after we started seeing each other, the first incident occurred. I was sat on the knee of the (gay) housemate, who was like a brother to me and J, as I will call him, went mad. He accused me of flirting with him and he knew he was gay. He screamed at me, went to the fridge and pulled out some food he had in there and threw it against the wall.
I took this as a one off, but this behaviour from J continued. My gay friend said that once LD was over, he'd drop me like a hot brick and I was only being used for entertainment.
How right he was. As July 2021 came round, the arguments by this point were really physical with loads of various wild accusations screamed at me. We had yet another incident and he left, and spent the next 3 weeks texting me, hurling abuse. I thought it was just another separation but it was the longest that it had gone without us seeing each other. I got a random FB message from someone who told me he was seeing someone else and I was devastated. He'd clearly been grooming this person on FB behind my back.
Nevertheless, we were still on and off for the next 2 years whilst I allowed him to treat me like shit. We would get together for a few weeks, then he would go back to the 'other woman' and he ping-ponged between us for the next 2 years. I am so ashamed that I allowed this to continue.
In the nearly 5 years we were together on and off, he has slapped, punched and kicked me. I finally retaliated two weeks ago and he called the police. I was arrested. I had called the police often in the time we were together and he was arrested once in all those occasions. Never charged, even when I had black eyes. I have not been charged but I am a professional and have been released on bail which will affect my career and he knows it. He however has before me 2 criminal convictions and 3 non-molestation orders and a recent DVPN for attacking his elderly mother, yet has been allowed to return to her home!
I have brought this on myself, I accept that. I should have exited the relationship years ago. I've had IDVA and DIAS intervention and god knows how much counselling over the years and STILL I didn't learn or leave.
I am convinced he has EUPD, but he won't see a doctor for a diagnosis. If you have got this far, thank you. I just needed to get it out. I know this is for the best and it was never going to go any other way, but I am so upset at the end of what could have been great had a diagnosis ever been made.