Motherload

[Jessiep23]

Hi, please can I have an opinion of this work devide in our household and how to address it.

💜Mine

⭐️All school admin, dealing with letters, emails etc.
⭐️All washing, drying and putting away of clothes.
⭐️Prepping all clothes each day for the kids.

⭐️Buying anything they need.
⭐️Homework.
⭐️Arranging childcare in school holidays, taking annual leave to cover.
⭐️All cleaning downstairs, hoovering at least 5 times a week, mopping twice a week, cleaning kitchen sides, sink, cupboards, polishing.
⭐️Cleaning up after the dog in the garden.
⭐️Food shopping (online delivery), meal planning and cooking 6 days a week.
⭐️General tidying up around the house.
⭐️Walking the dog every weekday morning.
⭐️Dishwasher unloading every morning.
⭐️Buying all Christmas and birthday presents.
⭐️Emptying bins.
⭐️ I’m always up with the kids at the weekends he stays in bed for another 30 minutes or so.

💚Him

📌Walks dog every evening.
📌Gardening.
📌Wheelie bins out and in on rubbish day.
📌Cleans bathroom once a week.
📌Hoovers upstairs once a week.

📌Cooks once a week .
📌Will load dishwasher after dinner weekdays.

💻He works 5 days a week 7.30-4pm and I work 4 days a week (at home) 9am-5pm.
👦🏻👦🏻Children 10 and 7.

📣His answer every time is he doesn’t make the mess (which is true but he fails to see any dog hair to be hoovered, muddy paw prints to mop, things to be picked up, tidied away etc)

👦🏻 He thinks the kids should do more (also true)

🤪He said I only feel like this as I has increased my hours 18 months ago once my youngest was all settled in school and it used to be fine before.

😡He also feels that as I work from home I have time to do ‘little bits’ that needs to be done! He can’t as not here. He says I also have a day off a week to do things he only has the weekends.

🧹He suggested getting a cleaner, which would be lovely but would then mean he would get away with the cleaning of the bathroom….the cleaner won’t come daily to hoover, do the washing, look after the kids in the school holidays etc….

😭This is really grating on my now and I do bring it up a lot which he says is ‘nagging’. We have a great relationship otherwise, I’m really not sure what to do.

He’s a prick. Tell him he better start pulling his weight or he’ll be living alone and doing all his own fucking housework, washing, cleaning, shopping, cooking and wanking.

I'm still trying to figure out the balance of household tasks in our family.

I'm thinking of getting these
https://www.fairplaylife.com/the-cards

Because at the moment I am running the household stuff, plus like op and increase in my work hours and ticking off a million teeny tiny to-dos and feeding everyone all the time.

I'm definitely not getting it right at the minute. My partner is not toxic it's just I'm used to juggling the motherload but things could be better divided x

I would take up the offer of a cleaner as it will make both your lives easier. Then reallocate more jobs to him off your plate. Me and my husband are in a similar rut, I’ve just brought a robot Hoover mop which I’m hoping will help as well.

I'm going to go against the grain and say ithe split of labour doesn't look too bad to me. He does far more than my ex H did.
A few caveats though.
You should get some weekend lie ins too.
He has a point about WFH and getting stuff done. I WFH for a few days per week and yes you can put the washing machine on and empty it etc. Ditto a few other quick bits here and there.

He says he doesn’t make a mess so why should he clean and tidy 😳 dear God.

There is no need for anyone to do that much housework

Get a cleaner
Actually do get the kids to help - dishwasher etc
After that I don't think things sound madly uneven but if you do then pick the task you hate the most and give DH that one.

Also lie ins should be 50/50
DH should buy presents for his family

I fought against a cleaner for years and now look back and think what a fool I was. If you can afford it, get one and take the pressure off yourself!