What's normal?

[freckledlegs]

Hello,
My partner (both divorced, in 40s) spends a lot of time with his ex. He has teenage kids, and during a usual week the kids spill between the households, which often means so do the parents. She comes to his house and stays for dinner 'because its nice for the kids' or he goes to pick up one of the kids and she offers him dinner. Add on top all the texting (ostensibly about the kids) and things like they still do some holidays together etc.... it feels a lot. It has come to feel like I am simply providing the sex to an otherwise fully functional partnership. I don't feel nice and am on the verge of ending it, but I first wanted to check what's normal, in case I'm wrong. My ex is largely absent and so I don't have much of a co-parenting experience.
Thanks

Sometimes the romance is gone but the friendship stays 🤷‍♀️ also time does make it easier.

If he was single then it wouldn't be an issue, but he's not. He's with you, and he's acting like he's not. You're not a sex dispenser. I think you're best off away from it.

As others have said I don't think there is a normal . Every relationship and ex is different and I can understand wanting to do things together for the kids

However the fact you've said they've got closer and do more together since you first got together seems a bit unfair as it isn't what you initially signed up for. If you're not happy and and feel used end it x

On the one hand it's great he has a easy relationship with his ex, must make co-parenting so much easier. However, you are his partner now. Your feelings should come above those of his ex and if you aren't comfortable with the closeness then he should respect that. I don't think that means never stop for tea but he should certainly have more 1:1 time with you. And I'd not be happy with the holidays at all.
I actually think this faux family thing could be more damaging to the kids....great the kids see them getting along but maybe they harbour hopes they'll get back together? And I actually think the kids should see their father respecting his partner more. I don't necessarily think this is all in their best interests.

No, his ex doesn't have a partner. She's had a string of wrong'uns, one immediately after the other. She was perpetual cheat while in the marriage, so she's just doing more of that really.

You say they’ve got closer more recently, are you actually concerned she’s trying to get back with him / get him to cheat on you with her history?
The intensity of their ‘friendship’ and the holidays in particular would make me v.uncomfortable. Wobbly boundaries.

Yeah a bit @MinnieDelight, she deffo has no limits/boundaries and that is a PITA. He however is pretty good about that stuff, I trust him.

But that doesn't make it feel nice.