Is this abusive?

[smallsteps1234]

My partner and I had a disagreement, I have an infection and I am feeling very mentally unwell at the moment. I don't feel loved or cared for. We had an argument and I raised my voice, I don't usually do this. My partner picked up dirty water from the sink and threw it into my face. I pushed his shoulder and said “Don't do that to me!” he grabbed my arm and pushed me into the oven, and he said in an aggressive tone “Do that again” At this point, I just walked off. I started the confrontation but I felt like he was going to hit me, he had this dark look in his eyes.

After he calmed down he said, you know I would never hit you, do you want a takeaway? Let's forget it. Do you forgive me? If I wanted to hit you I would have done it straight away. He said he wasn't going to hit me, but he was going to push/trip me over.

II am so emotionally drained at the moment.

I've emailed citizens advice regarding our living situation as I stupidly am reliant on him!

Yes, it is abuse.

@smallsteps1234 by throwing water at you he 100% assaulted you.

Think about it. He would NEVER throw water on his boss or work colleagues or a shop assistant or ANYONE else. He did it to you because he knows you are vulnerable and he could get away with it. He'd be arrested if he'd done it to anyone else.

Your relationship is dead in the water. He's crossed that line and can never go back. He'll likely keep pushing boundaries and continue with shoves, nips and slaps and it will always be your fault.

It really isn't. It's all him.

If you aren't ready to leave right now you tell him straight to his face that if he EVER puts hands on your again then he can explain to Police because you will report him. You are his partner not his punch bag and yes, throwing water on you was the same as punching you. It is assault.

Now you see him. The real him. You know he doesn't actually love you and you can make your plans to get away from him.

One day soon you will look back and you'll be healthier and happier and you will be glad you saw him for who he is before you were trapped with disabilities, kids and no money.

Speak to Womans Aid as well. See what resources there are in your area.

Please do not fall into the trap of believing that all less than perfect behaviour is 'abuse'. And by that, i mean yours, not his. Because I guarantee your abusive partner will try to argue that you are equally abusive because you raised your voice and retaliated. I also strongly suspect some replies on here will say the same. It isn't true. Abuse is where a person excercises power over another to control them. So in your case your partners threats of serious harm, and warnings that 'if he wanted to..,' are abuse. You need to leave this relationship. Because even if he never hurts you, the intimidation of the ever present threat that he could if you step out of line is enough reason.

Everything he did was abusive.

Included letting you know if he'd wanted to hit you he would have. Just so you remember that for next time you dare to disagree with way him.

The same old cliché - it never gets better. It only gets worse.

Disagree with him. God. Typos. Sorry.

Pushing someone or tripping them up is still physical abuse and violence. It doesn't have to be a punch to count.

He's crossed the line and it'll escalate if you stay.

Throwing dirty water in your face during an argument is abusive. The fact you were ill with an infection makes it extra nasty.