Why do friendships seem so hard?

[Dontgiveafart]

With Xmas and my birthday looming I always have this terrible feeling of being without friends who really care. I have one true friend who I have known since we went to primary school but others just seem to come and go. I make time to text "friends" when they have problems, don't forget birthdays/ask about their life, but I don't seem to get much back in return. If I didn't keep in contact I don't think they would bother. I go out of my way to meet some people even when I am breaking my neck to but they wouldn't do the same for me. I'm not needy with them but just wish someone would ask me how I was! I have one "friend" whose idea of meeting up is going out into town, spending a lot of money that I don't have on food I don't like and drinking in overcrowded bars. I feel anxious and just want to go home but do it because I just want some friends! She never wants to meet for a coffee, dog walk or things I like doing.
Does anyone else feel the same or am I doomed!

I think you need to take a step back and think about what you want from friendships, and why you find friendships so 'hard'.

It sounds to me as if you're so desperate to have friends that you are bustling around after people who aren't particularly invested in you, asking about their lives, and resenting that you're not getting the same interest back. But what do you bring to your friendships other than remembering birthdays, and going out to meet people when you don't want to? It doesn't sound as if you derive any pleasure at all from any of these relationships, and it's possible that this is what you're communicating -- desperation for friends as a general concept, rather than a specific liking for any of the actual people you keep describing as 'friends' in quotation marks.

If you don't enjoy going to restaurants and bars with the person you describe as a 'friend', you need to find friends that do things that you enjoy doing.

It just sounds like you're trying to keep up artificial friendships with people you don't much like, for the sake of it, rather than seeking out people whose company you actually enjoy. When you do that, friendship isn't at all hard.

@TidalRiver Thanks for your response. You are absolutely right. The friend I mention is nice but we actually don't have much in common/completely different lives. We used to have a shared hobby but not anymore. I suppose I make myself go out because the thought of no friends at all scares me. If I was honest I should say that its not really my thing but I am afraid they will just lose interest in me rather than do something I enjoy. I panic that if I say no I will never hear from them again and it will be my fault because I didnt make the effort!

@TidalRiver This is spot on when I re-read your post

"It just sounds like you're trying to keep up artificial friendships with people you don't much like, for the sake of it, rather than seeking out people whose company you actually enjoy. When you do that, friendship isn't at all hard".

Glad it was useful -- to be honest, you see it a lot on here. I think you need to put your energy, not into chasing people whose company you don't really enjoy, but into finding new friends who suit you and who bring something to your life. Frightening to let go of unfulfilling relationships, maybe, but think how little pleasure you get from them, and how much energy you are wasting.

Think of things you can do, starting now, that you actually enjoy for themselves, which will put you together with people who also love doing whatever it is, whether it's abseiling or painting or New Wave film or tango or community gardening.

Following on from @TidalRiver .....what do you enjoy?

Hill walking?
Animals?
What can you do in your area with those two things?
Would you do a park run?

Shared interests are a great place to start.
I certainly have great friends from these type of interests.
Cooking classes, tennis, pilates, yoga, local gym.
Get active and you will meet people.

Also volunteering tends to attract some lovely people.