Hangout App

[Anonanon14]

Hi all.

My partner's alarm was going off this morning, when trying to switch it off it was on his screen with all his apps. He has "Hangouts" is that effectively a dating app? Or an appointment to connect and meet people?

I clicked on it and you obviously need to log in, I didn't want to try because I can't cope with seeing it. I'm off on a weekend trip to the Xmas markets with my son this weekend and i don't want the stress.

However it gave a list of his emails and one was "acaringkindprofessional" that's a dating app name if ever I saw one.

I don't know what to do? Or am I overreacting? I have downloaded it myself to look but it won't let me access it. When I click on my email to sign it it says "could not connect to server". I have internet.
I wonder if he's blocked me from accessing it because he's on it?
I once went on tinder to see if he was on there (just a fake profile to search for him). The next day I tried again and was blocked from using it.

Thoughts?

Hangouts was a Google business service, they shut it down a couple of years ago and I believe it's now called Google Meet or something like that. It's similar to WhatsApp but for Businesses. Sometimes it comes installed as default on phones.

The ACaringKindProfessional could be the company, A Caring Kind. According to Google they provide dementia care and support. Only you can know if he'd likely be searching for something like that.

The Tinder thing is weird but possibly explainable, were you using mobile data and have protective search on? Or do you have the app in which case that's less likely. Does he have control over your router? could have potentially set up search alerts or blocked app/website access with exceptions on his device.

Can you use a friend/family members phone and a temporary email address to set up a new account and have a look?

Or just have a look on his phone. If he has nothing to hide it won't be an issue for you to borrow his if yours just happens to run out of battery. Or perhaps you want to see if there's any cute pictures of your son on his phone.

I'm confused. I've searched for "Hangouts" online and it says it's a messaging service for talking and meeting people and basically a bit like a dating site?
Acaringkindprofessional was his email address as it had acaringkindprofessional@madeup.com

Yes he has access to the router. He once told me he knows everything that I do and not to forget he controls the router and that he's tech savvy (he's very tech savvy).

Hangouts literally only had the option to select one email address from the list of 2 (one is mine and the other my son's school classrooms one). If I click on either it says could not connect to server. There is no option to login another way or to select another email address so I'm stuck. I've asked a friend to look.

I've attached a pic of the Hangouts description.

When I found messages before and took photos he deleted them off my phone. He also managed to get into my google drive and delete from there (I didn't even know a Google drive existed or how to access it).

Had this moved as I accidentally posted in Chat

He once told me he knows everything that I do and not to forget he controls the router and that he's tech savvy (he's very tech savvy).

This is a massive red flag and I would be making my way out of this relationship sharpish.

I know. There are red flags a- plenty.
However, I need to know what to do about this. I can't get onto the app at all! I need to login and see if I can find him! Maybe I should buy another phone.

I'm shaking and feel sick. This has completely ruined my trip away.

Hangouts isn't a dating app it is like whatsapp. Comes pre-installed on Android phones. Now replaced by Google Meet as previously said. That said unexplained email address is a concern, and his comments to you about the router suggests there is a lack of trust both ways in your relationship. Would he have reason to doubt you historically? How is your relationship now? Are there problems that might have triggered him to look elsewhere?

But... If you do want the truth from him, a) don't start with telling him about what you know. b) don't start by asking are you having an affair.
Just sit down and have a calm conversation, asking him how he feels about you, if you are making him happy. Make him feel safe to discuss how he is feeling. You will potentially learn a lot more from that than outright accusing. Where he will probably clam up and deny.

Doubt me? No absolutely not. I've not so much as flirted with another man in the 8 years we've been together. I'm completely loyal.
So can "Hangouts" still be used? Or is the app completely redundant? He's really tech savvy, so I can't imagine he'd keep an app on there that hasn't been used.
That email address is just really dodgy to me. How am I meant to find out where he's using it?

No I don't trust him. He's cheated before. I know I just need to leave but he's abusive and deflects everything to me. I need evidence.

You really don't need evidence.

You can leave a relationship at any time, for any reason.

What you say makes complete sense if this was a normal relationship. It would not work in this situation.
I was thinking when I'm back from my trip (as it's already ruined), I'd then ask him.

I was just going to ask if he could show me the app and login with that email address. I'd say that if there's nothing inappropriate then I'll apologise. However, if you're saying the app isn't even in use anymore? Then I'm not sure it's worth it.

It's not pre-installed on my Android phone and why would it be installed on his phone if it's no longer in use? Sorry to sound stupid, I'm not great with tech.

Time to download Google meet

@itsbiblical exactly what you say here. Getting the evidence is only going to cause you pain. If you are unhappy and untrusting and can't talk communicate and resolve that as a couple then you are over. I'm not 100% sure but I think Hangouts is now redundant. If you want to login you have to use Google Meet. They moved people over from one to the other.

Hangouts can't be removed if it was pre installed. Could the email address be one he used for the previous affair and is just saved there in the phone? Try logging in to Gmail with it. Though be warned doing so may alert him, and technically you are committing a crime by accessing an account without permission. If you think he could turn nasty against you I would strongly advise against that. Go for calm collected discussion.

@Anonanon14 it may be his phone is older and predates when they stopped shipping Hangouts included, or a different make to yours.

So if an app becomes redundant, you have to keep it on your phone permanently?

I do know that the relationship is over for many reasons. Just trust the reasons I need evidence. I should have kept looking through the app list but I didn't want to see it.

@Anonanon14 yes some pre installed apps stay there, redundant if they are end life. It was shut down in November 2022. What are you hoping to find? How did you discover the last affair?

He got a new phone 3 years ago and gave our child (who was 5) his old one to play with. He'd gone away for a night and son was on this phone and I'll be honest, I looked. I obviously couldn't see WhatsApp as it was connected to his new phone but loads of text messages (they were from earlier in our relationship) basically begging women to meet him ...7 different women. Also one when he was away at his parents family home abroad. He was simultaneously texting me from abroad and arranging a date with someone else. Also he was showing me something on WhatsApp and there was a conversation with a woman. I asked who it was and he pretended he had no idea what I was on about. Then he gave 5 possible explanations as to why she may have text him (despite having his phone, so he knew the answer).

I just tried to go onto pod to see if I could find him. I can't access any daring sites from my phone. Even when I disconnect from WiFi (that he controls).

Oh and he was using his phone in front of me and typed something in the search bar of Google and it came up pof.com/Spain
He'd just come back from Spain. He tried convincing me it's all in my head to to due anxiety issues, that I don't have.

It sounds like he has blocked your phone probably through some "family" settings. Which is very scary. This is coercive and controlling behaviour. I think that if someone was to take a good look at your device there would probably be spyware on there monitoring you. I suspect because of his behaviour he suspects you. What happens if you try and download a dating app on your phone? I think if there is evidence he is blocking you accessing apps etc that you should go to the police about this. Sorry to be raising this, but genuinely if there is something like that going on I would fear for your safety x

I considered this a few months ago when he told me what he was doing but there is no evidence. I actually went to a computer/tech repair shop man to go through my phone. He changed passwords but said you wouldn't necessarily find if he's accessing my phone etc. He said I'd be best with a new phone.
So when I try to get onto POF (I've just created an account) it gets as far as verification. So I get a code sent to my phone, input it on the website and it just loads and never does anything. I've tried different browsers. However the last time I was blocked, I can't remember what it said but I could definitely tell I was being prevented from accessing that site. I disconnected from WiFi and what I've found odd is that it must be blocked via my phone because I can't access on mobile data.