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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I stay or should I go.

3 replies

LiveLove25 · 28/11/2024 23:04

I just need someone opinion.me and my partner have been together for about 7 year now we have a 5 year old together and I have a 12 year old from my previous relationship.At the end of August we had a massive argument where we said some stuff quite hurtful to each other and I told him how I feel about being neglected as his partner,feeling like he is with me just because we had a child etc.The argument got so heated that he asked me to move out and I was ready to move out and we split up and didn't really talk with each other or slept in the same bed for about 2 month.We had couple of conversations and I picked up that he is in two minds and I asked him why he is(is it because he is seeing someone else or pure fact that we have a child together)he assured me that is no one and purely is just because we had a child together and he didn't want to get hurt again because apparently what I said hurt him very bad.I was still not convinced but anyway we said we are trying to stay as calm as possible for the sake of the kids and try to work things out.Fast forward to 3 weeks ago my gut feeling was telling me something is wrong because he was still blaming me for everything and he was still very cold with me and didn't want to be around me that much and I went through his phone and I found explicit photos of a woman naked in the bath,shower etc.Keep in mind once or twice a month he travels to office for 2 nights.so I confronted him about it and his answer first was I don't know who is she,after that he said she was a girl from his home town he asked to send the photos because he wanted to annoy me and last one was that is a girl from you tube.I send all the photos and phone number of the girls that I think is a culprit and I texted one of her phone numbers just a short msg that I know everything and it happened that that day he had to travel again to office.I got a lot of him saying that I texted the wrong person and is not her and I'm messing with his carrier etc and he agreed to make an effort with us as long as I stop messing around with his job.I let it go an agreed but my sister texted one of the boys that works with him and he said that girl works there,she screen shot it and send it to me and as soon she told me I get a phone call from him that someone is texting his work colleague asking about this woman.Bare in mind that my sister lives in another country and she find him on Facebook and he doesn't even know we are related(in my eyes the guy talked with my sister,ask the woman that if she know her she started to panic and send my partner a text and that's how he knows because they have like 50 people in the company or more and no one know my sister or me)Anyway I still got the blame and still is saying nothing happened even if his employees confirmed me but I closed my eyes consider her his ex.
Now my question is should I still try to make an effort well I'm making it anyway and he is trying to make an effort and he is willing to go consulting try to work things out between us but is he actually trying or he is just scared he is going to loose his job because I found out of it and he is not allowed to have any intimate relationships with her.
But I think is just me trying to say that should I keep trying to work things out no matter what because I don't want my sons to be affected and this was just a faze where he needed attention because I know he was very low well both were but I don't think is an excuse.Or I'm just lying to myself that one day we will be back to normal with patience and communication.
I'm trying to look past it and heal and not let it affect me but again he is making an effort but we are taking thing like really slow because he thinks that will be worse but I'm craving attention and he said he is not ready to give me that much because of the argument before.
I just think I just a full probably 🤦🏻‍♀️.

OP posts:
StrawberryWater · 28/11/2024 23:12

Break up. You don't have a relationship you have a mess and you clearly don't like each other and he's only staying for the kids. You will only continue making each other miserable.

Break up and find a way to co-parent effectivly.

thatsawhopperthatlemon · 28/11/2024 23:21

Do you really want your kids growing up believing that this is what normal relationships are like?

Poopsiepop · 28/11/2024 23:28

In your heart you will know what you want to do . And you will need to know or try to work out what is in his heart too. it’s up to you to decide if you want to forgive or move on to someone new , but only you can best judge whether your relationship is having a challenge or whether it’s time to stop trying to make it work

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