Did it get better after you left?

[onedayatatime27]

I'm feeling mentally and physically drained by this 7 year relationship. I've lost my friends, as well as massive. My anxiety is at an all time high. I find no joy in life and feel like I am on constant egg shells.

I've been trying to stay to keep our family together but it is breaking me. I'm worried if I leave I'll be making a big mistake.

Has anyone else felt the same? How was it when you left?

It sounds like you might be in an abusive relationship from what you’ve said. There is help available. You can contact women’s aid for support and advice on how to make an exit plan. If you decide to leave, please don’t tell your partner because that’s the most dangerous time. Have a read of this book and see if you recognise any of your partner in it. If you are being emotionally abused, it’s not your fault, you don’t deserve it and you don’t have to put up with it. Staying for the family isn’t a good idea either. It is better for children to grow up in an environment where abuse isn’t taking place. You might want to try reconnecting with your friends. Could you send a message on social media or a text? Apologise for being distant and explain youve been going through a very difficult time. Do you have family you can speak to? If so, do. They will want to help you.

www.docdroid.net/2fZmz40/why-does-he-do-that-pdf

You haven't given much detail here, but I can tell you that my life was 100% better after I left a difficult relationship. I don't think it is meant to be hat hard you know, that exhausting. I have been there...and I am SO happy and chilled now that it is over. I still sigh with relief! :)

Having said that, when you first leave it feels really hard. There's kind of a 'hangover' period where you feel like shite, but I still knew it was the right thing and I feel better and better every single day.

Fantastic 😀 no more walking on eggshells,less stress and anxiety. More sleep,peace and time.

It’s lovely.

In my nearly 20 years of being on MN, I can count on one hand the number of posts I've read where the woman has regretted leaving. And, even then, it seemed to be more about forging a life for themselves outside of a partnership they struggled with rather than realising the relationship was actually a good one (eg rigid ideas about appropriate social activities for lone women in order to meet other people).

Most women say that the only regret they had was not doing it sooner (me included). In fact, the year after I left was the best and most fun of my life.

Any major change feels daunting because you're stepping into the unknown but that's not a good enough reason to not do it in my book. Not if you're currently really unhappy. You're very unlikely to be more unhappy as a result of leaving!

In short, yes.

It wasn't easy and I was dreadfully upset about it at the time. But everything was easier, no walking on eggshells. Not easy bringing the children up myself but they were older.
Since then I have done things, been places, had a variety of jobs, lived in different places....all my choice, all things I would never have done while married. I have met others, made friends, and generally love my life now in a way I would never have expected. And I doubt I'd have been this happy and content if I'd stayed.

Good luck to you, it sounds as though you need to go if it's that bad. Sending my support.

The question is, do you want to live/feel like this for the rest of your life?
Are you peri menopause age, as that can throw a lot of anxiety and questioning into the mix?

Leaving is scary. Look into how you would do it, just to work out if its feasible.

When you leave you still have all the usual boring life admin and problems to deal with; but you don't have the millstone round your neck. You might find that you have less work to do overall because you have one less adult to look after, and your anxiety might improve when you aren't walking on eggshells.

There are positives, the main one being you can find yourself again. You can make friends and have them visit, play music, read a book, eat food you like, wear clothes you like and do things just to please yourself without someone else having a meltdown because those things take your attention away form him.

Absolutely what @greycarpet said. I've read a LOT of threads. I've seen a few, yes, over the years where the woman is wondering if she made ther ight decision - finances are often tighter, the DC can be upset etc. But even in those threads, when the OP is pressed by others as to whether things like not walking one ggsheels, having control of her life etc is better.... she agrees that it is. I like to think that ayear or two down the line, she feels 100% better.

In real life, SIL's life is hard and has lots of challenges but she regularly talks about how much more free and safe she feels in herhome and how amazing that is.

Another woman, he left her after he lined up a replacement and she's still reeling .... and yet, even in that hideous state, she has said that she's a bit surprised how her life is a bit easier.

Leave, but remember leaving won’t result in a miracle if you have DCs together… but it will still be so much better than staying!