How to make sense of this?

[BeMintBee]

I don’t speak to my dad anymore due to his abusive behaviours. My mum spent years and years telling me in detail all the awful ways he behaved but when I cut contact with him she pretty much stopped talking to me for a long time and heavily defends my dad and now I see her only maybe once a year. She divorced my dad but he still has a lot of hold over her and she still defends him and makes a dig about me not seeing him.

My sibling has some huge mental health issues and treats my mum appallingly. I got tired of dealing with her behaviours and harassment so have blocked her. Again years of being told by my mum of all the awful things she is doing but because I don’t see her I’m the bad guy and then my mum will heavily defend her (lots of manipulation on my mums part to try and get me to speak with them over the years).

Now someone else in the family seems to have turned against my mum and is making awful accusations (phoned me to say some very serious accusations against my mum), threatening and blackmailing her etc. Had a long text exchange with my mum about it and expressed my shock at this persons behaviour to which she immediately turned around and snapped at me for being judgemental and defended them.

First of all I’m struggling to understand this pattern whereby so many people seem to treat my mum this way? But mostly can someone explain my mum’s need to tell me about how awful all these people are but has effectively cast me as the bad guy because I won’t have them in my life or will call out their behaviour?

Needless to say somewhat dysfunctional childhood. Am considering going no contact with the entire side of my family but following last nights text exchange am actually now sitting here wondering if I’m the problem and am feeling in a pretty dark place right now to be honest.

Its not you, its them. Its not your fault they are like this and you did not make them that way. Your dad remains abusive and your mother wrongly made you her confidant. You were but a child at the time.

Why did someone else phone you to make such allegations about your mother?.
I would block them from being able to contact you as well.

Your mother wants an audience and you are probably one of the very few, if only, person who at all bothers with her. She really is not worth bothering about and the fact you only see her once a year speaks volumes.

Would have nothing to do with them going forward. Drop the rope that they hold out to you. Have a read of and or consider posting on the current "Well we took you to Stately Homes" thread on these pages.

Thank you for your post. I’m not sure why the other family member phoned me. I suspect she is raging that my mum is not yielding to her demands so phoning me is punishment.

I will take a look at the other thread. I admit this part of my life if not really something I allow myself to think or talk about but maybe I should.