I found out this year that my husband has had a cocaine addiction for over 20 years. He didn't realise he was an addict, but now realises it and has sought help and has been clean for almost 4 months.
The past 2 years have been awful, he has put me through hell and back.
A month ago, we had the biggest argument (we don't usually argue) it got really bad that the children heard which shocked us both and he moved out that night. We have slowly started talking and had a couple of family meals together for the sake of the children and talked about potentially us giving it another go in the future.
Tonight we all went out and had a lovely time like it used to be a few years ago, love and laughter and we haven't been that way for a very long time. Baring in mind we have discussed a possible future between us, out of the blue tonight, he has messaged me to say tonight we showed we got on well as friends and parents, and we need a date so he can see if there is a spark there to be partners. I'm completely taken aback by the "spark" comment. Without going into detail he has REALLY done me wrong the past few years, but we have supported eachother through thick and thin. (I'm no walk over, we have just tried very hard at trying to salvage our marriage). I feel like uve been kicked in the stomach. I feel like uve been humiliated enough as it is (for other things) and now he wants to see about a spark? (He even tried it in with me last week and I refused because I was still gutted about the split). Thr last relationship i was in, I got him help (completely different story) he got better and then got overly confident and didn't really "need" me anymore. And now I feel like it's probably happening all over again. Has anyone had this happen after a partner beating addiction? For context, he used to be a recreational user (which he stopped when I found out) and we were so happy. Now he's completely quit, he's now questioning a spark. We're the drugs masking his feelings? I just don't get it. I'm at a loss, ive grieved so much, and we've talked so much about our future and now this all now a sudden. Am I ever analysing or am I way off. I'm so confused and this feels so unfair.