Cheating DP?

[sw16rover]

I know this makes me sound paranoid but I'm getting more and more convinced DP is having an affair with a colleague from work. Am i going crazy?

• Keeps her phone with her all the time and gets defensive if I comment. This is relatively knew. It never leaves her side.
• Gets in the bath as soon as she gets home. Normally much later in the evening.
• I picked her up unexpectedly from work earlier and she came out smelling very strongly of perfume and looking "red faced".
• When I called to say I was outside there were unusual, frantic sounds in the background.
• When she got in the car I innocently asked where her office was because I didn't know and she got defensive, before accidentally revealing she shares an office with a male colleague. She then played up to it with "do you want to come in and meet" him, smiling.
• When she got home she secretly put something in the wash bin downstairs. She normally just drops her clothes in the bathroom. I looked and there is a pair of knickers with white stains in the crotch.
• When she got dressed this morning she closed the bedroom door, which she never does.

This is on the back of me noticing other changes in behaviour. She has started doing her hair more, getting into work earlier. The other day a friend saw her in the pub when she told me she was at school. I googled the last bullet and know it could be discharge but it was the action itself that just felt weird.

Am I going mad?

Googled the last bullet?

How long have you been together? Has she cheated in the past? I think you're being a bit paranoid, TBH. If you don't trust her, your relationship is dead anyway.

You looked in her used knickers?

Grim.

You’re creepy

No one is going to get past the knickers thing

Mate if you had suspicions your other half was cheartng and then when she came home she almost immediately got changed and slyly hid something in the washbin you would check what it was. The rest of her clothes were left where they were. It was almost comical. I do the washing on a Thursday and just bale everything in.

No. I've never felt like she has cheated but we have been having troubles recently and I have been thinking about leaving, which I'm sure she has picked up on. One of the reasons is we have no intimacy in our relationship. And while readimgbupmon this I read that a narcissist will quickly move on once they know the person they were with has checked out.

It's MN. You won't get a balanced answer here. If a woman came on and said her husband was -

Secretive with his phone
Showering as soon as he got home
Wearing strong aftershave, with odd noises.
Actually sharing an office with a woman
Secretive about getting dressed.
Hiding underwear (stay with me here).
Going into work early.
Lying about where he was

Then you would get lost of posters saying it sounded a bit suss.

I don’t think you’re paranoid to be fair it dont look good did you ask her about being at the pub?

The above posters right

This.

the knicker thing is 100% weird and also if it was the other way round, no one would question you looking.

No. But I didn't ask directly. I called to ask what time she would be home so I could make dinner. She said she would be coming home soon. Then about 5 minutes later a friend messaged to say she had just seen DP in the pub next to her work. I called back to see what she would say and she got defensive but implying she was at work but not saying it directly. Now I have snook off for a cheeky pint on a Friday and not said anything - so I could just be making more of it like the abovw - but If asked I would have said you got me and where I was and who I was with. It's a pattern.

Sounds suspicious for sure.

This!

It does sound suspicious.

Deffo suspicious

Suspicious 100 % !

honestly this place ffs!! Ive read posts on here over the years where women have questioned odd stains on their partners boxers ect.. and have been asked to post pictures so everyone can try decide what it is!!

Op sorry, yes sounds very suspicious behaviour.

Not sure of the legality, but samsung/apple tag in her car?

I'd also be tempted to look up her picture online to see if she's on any dating apps.

I'd be certain with even half of what you've said though.

Stop looking in bins and trying to catch her out and have an adult conversation!
Just ask her .
If she doesn't say yes I'm having an affair then you need to choose to trust her and stop the weird behaviour or leave her

Yes but did you sniff her pants OP. You’re not really trying hard enough if you didn’t do that bit

She's shagging her colleague, that's bloody obvious, and as you are planning on leaving her anyway, confront her. Then walk away with your head held high.

Yes it all sounds suspicious.

Why don't you know where she works though?

So sorry you are reiving ridicule and hostility @sw16rover from some very immature and unsympathetic commenter.

Please have the conversation and if not keep observing her behaviour until you are 100% sure, then tell her you want to split/ leave.

She's cheating. She's disposed of evidence 100% with the knickers. Plus acting as shifty as she is...
Just leave mate, and don't go through her phone looking for the evidence because then you'll just be the bad guy. Look after yourself and remember this is a reflection of her, and not you. You're worth more than this