Snoring & separate rooms

[SugarSpice2020]

Hi all, I’d love your thoughts on this please. I’m a light sleeper & - aside from outside street noise - hubby is a snorer so I now sleep in our (quieter, back) guest room whenever possible. He has got a mouthpiece, I know I can get earplugs (brand recommendations pls?) etc but we prefer different temperatures, our bed isn’t huge, I need a lot more sleep than him etc & I just find it SO much better sleeping alone! And now I’m used to it so it’s really hard going back to sharing a bed.

Our relationship hasn’t been great for a few years now (mostly since birth of child we’ve been drifting apart) so maybe that’s part of it, as I don’t recall his heavy breathing at least being problematic in early courtship! But that’s sort-of another story.

Meantime, sleeping alone he feels isolated & that we’re living as roommates. It’s not sustainable for him. But I can’t live without sleep! What are your thoughts to solutions pls? I can’t see an easy fix, only:

• get ear plugs (I don’t like wearing the Bluetooth music eye mask I have)

• move house to quieter place & get a bigger bed! (On cards but next year min)

• get back to honeymoon phase ;)

• live separate lives under same roof

thx for any ideas & sharing your stories!

I find the wax earplugs just from Boots or supermarket, best for sound blocking, but they might not be enough for heavy snoring.

If you have separate bedrooms then you may need to keep the relationship alive in other ways & make the effort to communicate & spend time together (cuddling on sofa, watching a series together, date nights etc)

But... quality sleep is really important so if you are sleeping better separately, it will probably benefit the relationship in the long run. Perhaps share a bed at the weekends and sleep separately in the week?

If you move to a bigger place try a huge bed, separate duvets, and earplugs?

Is your husband a healthy weight? Mine used to snore like Fred Flintstone driving a train into the station but he has now lost a little weight and only snores when he has been drinking.

Sleep is essential in a good relationship maybe try and work on it in other ways, when was the last time you went on a date?

I am all for the two duvets that PP mentioned, they are a game changer

Has he actually seen anyone about the snoring?

My husband snores really loudly. We did separate bedrooms for several years, but it made us feel really detached from each other. I got Loop Quiet earplugs, and they block out enough of the sound that I can sleep with him again. Other earplugs either fell out or were uncomfortable. The Loop ones are surprisingly comfortable. I can still hear the snoring a bit but it never wakes me up anymore.

Start waking him up every time he disturbs you and then he may happily agree to sleep separately.

I haven't found any ear plugs that really make that much of a difference really.

Have some nights you share a room and others not (we would do that when dh had to commute and needed more sleep or, start night in same room and make sure you have time together ;) then move out when need to or he needs to make more effort to sort it.

Oh I feel your pain OP! My DH snores like a pig riding a tractor at 100mph.
Years ago I used to be able to get to sleep next to him if I used earplugs (I always used the orange foam ones that you squish down and they swell back up to fit your ear tightly) but 10 years ago it started to become impossible, I was getting a couple of hours worth of disturbed sleep a night, and during the day I’d fantasise about all the ways I could bump him off and get away with it 🤣.

So 10 years ago we started sleeping in separate rooms (though he’s the one that sleeps in the spare room-he’s the snorer, so why should I leave our lovely bed) and I’ve never looked back.

I admit for a few years we did drift apart a bit, not having that time in bed together anymore, but we both talked about how distant we felt and found ways to negate that.
We’d fallen into the age old routine of treating affection and sex as a bedtime only thing. Once we found our any way around that (which requires a bit of creativity and spontaneity when you’ve got teenagers round the house 🤣) we found ourselves back to where we were when we still shared a bed.

My main issue now, is I dread going on holiday-holidays mean we share a bed (I’m FAR too tight to fork out for separate rooms)

The fix is HE goes to his GP and asks to be referred to a sleep clinic to sort his snoring.

Drives me ruddy batshit that the snorer whinges and expects people just to put up with it.

Seperate bedrooms isn't the death knell of a marriage. Sleep is king. I love my room, it's decorated and the temp is just the way I like it and me and husband still like each other.

I don't know how big your bed currently is but I can recommend trying to find a bed factory where they make the mattresses and bed bases. We have a zip and link which are two separate mattresses and so we don't feel each other turning over. It is a 6ft so we both get a single mattress each but you can get smaller ones. And no you cannot feel the zip, it is down the side of the mattress you can feel the piping though although we have a mattress topper on it and we have enough room that we don't go over the "line"

Definitely get two duvets and we have an electric blanket on in winter with each side having their own controls. In summer we a have a cooling base sheet, ours was from Ikea.

You can therefore regulate whichever temperature you each prefer.

My partner kinda blows and putt- putts when he's sleeping ( difficult to explain) .
We have separate rooms, we are an older generation and it works fine , until we too go away to a hotel . Twin beds but i hate sharing the room !

If applicable - get him to a healthy weight and cut down on the drinking?

I get the ‘putt putt’, mine too - it’s a signal the heavy snoring is coming ;), so I can’t sleep after the warning noises start!! Yes I agree - the holidays are really tricky, my parents in same boat - guess a lot of us are going down this route - if separate rooms (the dream) aren’t affordable - usually not! - I’m not sure the answer. We will spend a couple days away over Xmas … kinda dreading it … 😧. Thank you for your support!

Thank you! Seems he is healthy weight — kinda heavy-set, like I don’t think he should run a marathon! - but he got offended when I suggested he was a bit ‘heavy’ a while back (he is getting a bit of a paunch, unattractive in itself) - & yes I’ve told him we’re not sharing if you drink more than 1 glass….

Thank u this is so helpful!