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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

what's your opinion on this please

25 replies

bigboydiditandranaway · 29/04/2008 08:10

If a person had come out of a long term relationship, to go into another one, get married, then after 6yrs or so leave them to start another relationship after a month or so? - even with the opinion that this person has all the qualities that were strongly desireable, fun to be with, fairly well off, good job (that requires them to move around a lot and within the next 6 months, 8hrs away), mature, but is separated with children. (sorry a bit long winded!)

Your opinion and experience greatly appreciated.

OP posts:

VacantlyPretty · 29/04/2008 08:11

Message withdrawn

BottlebinBerrie · 29/04/2008 08:14

Sorry cannot offer any experience but might not be able to respect and trust someone who leaves his family for another woman. I'm sure there are plenty of exceptions. I'd want to know that this person would be the kind of person who was likely to want to work through any problems.

Pheebe · 29/04/2008 08:15

fun to be with, fairly well off, good job

these are ok but not really the things I would look for in a life partner...i'd be looking for dependable, committed, responsible...

also agree with vacant...self-centered and no staying power??

BandofMothers · 29/04/2008 08:16

Men "tend" to go for a new relationship quicker than women after a breakup, that doesn't mean it will fail, but I would see why the other realtionships broke up, if he tried to fix them or just bailed etc. I mean these days a 6 yr relationship is considered to be quite long isn't it?

BandofMothers · 29/04/2008 08:17

I don't think she said he left for someone else, just got into a new relationship quite quickly.

tigermoth · 29/04/2008 08:25

Thinking about him starting a new relationship so quickly after leaving his wife...how close was he to is wife before leaving? Had the marriage broken down long before he actually left? Were they leading separate lives already? Did she give him a reason to leave (ie she was having an affair)? And if he says anything like this is the case, can you believe him?

How long does he hold onto friendships for? Does he have many old friends and does he keep in close touch with the rest of his family?

I would be more distrustful of someone who has lost touch with all his old friends and appears to have no past family in his life.

tigermoth · 29/04/2008 08:25

How long does he hold onto friendships for? Does he have many old friends and does he keep in close touch with the rest of his family?

I would be more distrustful of someone who has lost touch with all his old friends and appears to have no past family in his life.

tigermoth · 29/04/2008 08:25

How long does he hold onto friendships for? Does he have many old friends and does he keep in close touch with the rest of his family?

I would be more distrustful of someone who has lost touch with all his old friends and appears to have no past family in his life.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 29/04/2008 08:32

warning bells...sorry

Original poster

bigboydiditandranaway · 29/04/2008 08:36

it seems financial security has been lacking in past relationships, wondering whether this new relationship is maybe fine on that level(although not sure with regards to a separated person with kids)

Is going from one relationship straight into another for the past 15 yrs or so particularly a good idea in any of your opinions?

OP posts:

VacantlyPretty · 29/04/2008 09:06

Message withdrawn

lollipopmother · 29/04/2008 09:10

I would be wary of the turn-over rate to be honest, rebound relationships are not a good idea, even if they last a length of time they will more than likely fail.

Raffaella · 29/04/2008 09:17

Bit confused by the OP, but why are we all assuming that it refers to a man? Or have I missed something?

Regardless, a six year relationship is hardly a flash in the pan. Relationships do break down it's a fact of life.

littlewoman · 29/04/2008 09:54

I immediately thought 'serial monogamist' too.

Original poster

bigboydiditandranaway · 29/04/2008 12:18

What advice if any would you give to this person. It seems that they are attracted to relationships rather than spending time getting over one before commiting to another. I know it takes a while to get used to living on your own, maybe that's part of the problem too.

OP posts:

Original poster

bigboydiditandranaway · 29/04/2008 20:52

anybody...

OP posts:

more · 30/04/2008 15:10

Great friend but not marriage material.

more · 30/04/2008 15:11

It could be that he/she had found the one that could last for the rest of their lives though.

Original poster

bigboydiditandranaway · 30/04/2008 18:32

It could be yes, but does it work like that though?
Can you seriously contemplate going into another rebound relationship, thinking again that this is the one?

Maybe i'm being too sceptical? I just would be backing off it was me but were not all the same are we

Maybe when the op moves away things may cool off a little, unless they take the op with them and keep them??

Don't know what i will say to the op when they tell me the news, so far have only heard it through someone else.

Any ideas what i should say please anybody.....help!

OP posts:

Original poster

bigboydiditandranaway · 30/04/2008 19:56

the op does think that this is the one incidently........

OP posts:

more · 01/05/2008 10:23

Tell the person who is doing this that you are happy for him/her. Remember it is that person's life and not yours.
If it does go pearshape, then be there for him/her.
Why do you find it strange that we are not all the same?
I am finding this thread a little too confusing, I thought that you, bigboydiditandranaway, were the op!?

Original poster

bigboydiditandranaway · 01/05/2008 13:07

no, i'm not the other person, sorry for confusion.

Thanks for your post more, good advice to say that i am happy for them.

I don't find it strange that we are not all the same, i don't really know why you said that? I find the op who is involved in this situation difficult to be around sometimes because they are very opinionated, made worse by being a family member, that is all.

OP posts:

ib · 01/05/2008 13:14

My dad was like that, had 5 relationships, the longest was about 7 ys iirc. Some people are just no good at getting over the 7 year itch I guess....

more · 01/05/2008 13:18

Because you put the face after you wrote it ("but were not all the same are we ")

Original poster

bigboydiditandranaway · 01/05/2008 13:54

Yes maybe that's what it is IB.

I have been a bit apprehensive about talking to family member about it to be honest, as we aren't as close as we were before i started a family(other family member doesn't have children and hasn't been very understanding)
I just feel that if i say the wrong thing, it will make things difficult and maybe cause an argument. The thing is this family members is quite critical of me so i feel that they will pick up on what i really think....i don't know, families!

OP posts:

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