I was with my ex for 12 years. The relationship was great for the first 10 or so years, everyone commented on what a nice, lovely guy he was, he portrayed himself as kind, caring, a man of integrity and i never for a second doubted him in any way. However we moved from a small village to a major city around 10 years in, to be closer to my family, as I was pregnant. That last year or so was marred by him discovering a huge pool of available women on OLD and everytime we had a fight, it would turn into us ending things, which I'd agree to because I was sick of the fighting and he'd then be straight on OLD, as was his "right, as he was single". He was like a man possessed with it, OLD was like some of compulsion for him every time he got the chance.
In the end, we broke up for good towards the end of the pregnancy and he was straight onto OLD and dating other women, even sitting messaging them while I was in labour, which he attended. He got a woman that he was seeing pregnant when our little one was 10 months old, AFAIK they're still together, we haven't really spoken much since, bar frosty handovers with our little boy who he does still see.
My question is, after all that, how on earth do you trust someone again? He went from being the nicest, sweetest guy you could ever meet, to the most cold, sex obsessed, cruel man you could imagine. He was even still sleeping with me when I was weeks postpartum, even though he claims it was just sex and meant nothing to him.
I do want to start dating again, I'm coming up for 40 and don't want to be single forever, even though I'm happy being single now. But how do you trust someone again after a man like that? Even more so, I now have my boy, so I need to make sure that it's a decent guy that I end up with. How have people managed to trust again after horrific relationship breakdowns?