Struggling

[thebluehen]

I left my abusive partner 3 weeks ago.

I thought I was doing OK. I have a house that needs a lot of work and I have been focused on that. But I have come to a standstill on it as need a handyman to do some things that are beyond me and I can't seem to get one. I find someone, they say they will come and have a look and either let me down, or do turn up and then tell me they can't do the work for 6 weeks. In my fragile state, I'm getting very frustrated and upset as I can't get on and decorate and get flooring and am living in a building site whilst trying to rebuild my life again.

I invested 16 years in a man, his home, his family and his kids. He is carrying on as normal albeit without his live in housekeeper which is all I feel I was to him.

I have to start again. I am 50 years old and am barely functioning. I know I need to make new friends, new hobbies, new job.... but I can barely get out of bed the last few days. The few friends I do have, I can't expect them to babysit me. I've met up for a few coffees etc, but it's not enough. I had such a busy social life with him and now I just feel empty.

He is keeping in contact with me and pestering me all day long, which I know isn't healthy but I am too scared to let go. He's being "nice" whilst also telling me how much better it is for him now. I did everything for him, he was unsupportive, controlling and very very selfish. I wasted so much of my life on him.

I am having counselling but it's only an hour once a fortnight and I feel I need a handhold so much more often and at the same time, hate myself for being so "needy". I keep telling myself this phase will pass and I just need to be kind to myself and not put any pressure on, but at the same time, I feel like I am desperately needing to "fix" how I am feeling and get better.

Any advise would be appreciated from anyone who has been here and come out the other side.

Slow down. Don't take things personally. One day at a time and slowly life will rectify itself. The mind can be overwhelming in these situations. Be aware of that and understand that the negative thoughts are unreal. You will come through this. Lots of us have.
oh and block all communication with the narc ex.

You don't have to achieve everything at once.

Slow down. Take a breath.

Don't engage with your ex. He is still manipulating you. Ignore his bs.

It's ok to stop and look around and just take in where you are now. I know you're impatient and want things done so you can move on but the moving on is inside.

Well done for saving the rest of your life!

First thing - block him. It's hard to let go, but it's like withdrawing from addiction - you've got to go cold turkey.

I can't pretend there's an easy fix for the lonely feelings (if you find one, let me know!) but you've got to accept that it will take time. And with the house? Try not to stress about the things you can't control. If friends and local FB groups can't find someone to help quickly - just book someone for when they can do it, plan around that.