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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Soon to be ex pressurising me to give up work

10 replies

ChristmasHound · 27/11/2024 10:18

I’m currently on a career break from work to care for my children/be a SAHM for a while. It was always the plan to return late next year (part time) Although I have loved being off to spend time with the children and look after the house I do want to return to work for financial reasons and I do enjoy working. DH (we will be separating when circumstances allow) is pressurising me to not go back and stay off permanently. This was always meant to be temporary, I am not comfortable with the idea of relying on him completely or being out of the workforce for years and years. He has a career and is enjoying being able to pick his hours, he did not seem happy that I was talking about going back but that’s what we discussed. I feel like I was now talked into taking a year out only for him to make my returning difficult.

He thinks I should quit and not work but for my security too when we split I will have to work. He doesn’t know yet.

OP posts:
SprinkleCake · 27/11/2024 10:20

He can’t stop you so just go back.

Scribblydoo · 27/11/2024 10:21

You've got to look after yourself so go to work. It will get you away from him faster

vodkaredbullgirl · 27/11/2024 10:21

Don't listen to him, especially when you are going to split.

ChristmasHound · 27/11/2024 10:23

He says work has him over a barrel when he needs to work around my shifts. He really did not seem happy with the idea of my going back even though he knows it was only a temporary break. Even staying with him I would work for my mental health and having no job I believe leaves me very vulnerable.

OP posts:
ChristmasHound · 27/11/2024 10:26

Thanks all. He never liked me working and at times has even pressured me into going off sick for 6 months/a year so I would be permanently home. We came to a compromise and I took a year off unpaid. It’s lovely to be off but I wouldn’t want to stay off forever.

OP posts:
Scribblydoo · 27/11/2024 10:27

Aw is his wife appliance malfunctioning by having needs? Loads of couples have two working parents and find a way, don't go on his guilt trip - he's just realised it means he might need to do something like plan and consider you and the children.

ChristmasHound · 27/11/2024 10:29

I could understand if I was full time and it was a case of dropping my hours but I’m only part time and I do enjoy working/seeing people/keeping my skills up.

OP posts:
MsMajeika · 27/11/2024 10:30

Who cares what he thinks if you're separating? 🤷🏻‍♀️ He'll have to sort out childcare on his days with the DC so he might as well start getting used to it.

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/11/2024 10:31

Who cares what he thinks?

ChristmasHound · 27/11/2024 10:35

Thanks everyone. I know how difficult he can be.

OP posts:
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