OK, I know I may be sounding too dramatic here. But it really is a problem for me and has placed a huge dent on my relationship with my mum. Or rather, it's a symptom of sorts.
So my mum used to be a successful professional, and I believe she's earned enough money to retire when she was 45. But due to her work, it means that I didn't really have a "full-time" relationship with her until I was 15 or so. I believe she retired early to make up for the lack of time with her children. She never cooked until her retirement, for example.
Now, after just 2-3 years of having a "full-time" relationship with her, I moved out for uni and never really lived back home again. I also moved to a different country.
When we spoke on the phone, she'd constantly ask if I needed anything so she could bring them to me when she visited me. She'd even ask if she could place online orders for them to send to my place. Mostly it's things she perceive as useful, like electronics or some spices (I know). I've rejected a million times, but it's usually a lot of effort and explanation of why I do not need a dehumidifier or why I do not use certain spices for cooking. And when she did visit me, she'd want to "take me shopping"--for clothes. Once, I thought, why not. I was already 26 and she wanted to pay for me. But the catch was, there were only a few items she approved of. Basically, drab, grey, long skirt or "modest" clothing.
After that shopping incident, I realised it was about controlling--what I eat, how I dress, how I live. I've rejected her 90% of the time (10% due to the exhaustion and just accepted things), but she never gets the message. Every time we meet, she would give me things (most recently, an all-black cardigan for a 70-year-old!). She even complains about how I don't give her my address because she wants to send me things.
I'm just so frustrated because it also reflects her lack of other focus in life. It makes me very sad because she used to be such an intelligent person but now she only asks me if I want this or that condiment on the phone--when I've rejected most of the time. Also, most of the non-perishables I'd just donate to charity.
I've been upfront with her. I've asked her to stop asking. I've also just ignored her message in the group chat but she just brought them anyways. I mean, it's a bit extra work for me, as I do just give things away to charity. But I hope she'd just not waste the money in the first place.
What can I do.