And I know the 100% correct thing is to accept you can't change or control a person's choices. I know its very easy to suggest slamming a door in someone's face. Saying no. Ignoring and all the rest. But I really just want to see what people think or if there is anything I've missed. I can't see a way to help at this stage and ultimately it's not my place.
My long term friend used to be happy. Confident. Worked full time. He lost his mum to cancer. She was only 49 and I think for him that was the beginning of his struggles. He had 2 children but his ex wife moved them 6 hours away and made it virtually impossible to have a relationship with him. He had a girlfriend for 10 years. She was a party girl and child free. So they lived a very drink based life. Drinks in the garden. Drinks at the pub. Drinks on holiday. It was all about drinks. But this led him to become an alcoholic. I fully understand the lack of sympathy people will feel for him about this. But it happened. He sorted himself out 6 years ago. He has never drank since. His relationship ending with her I guess was also playing a big factor in how he felt. He struggled. He moved out of the home they shared and started off again. He went back to work and was doing so well. He earns good money. He had a few different purposes again. He met a nice woman in 2020 and she was in my view exactly what he needed. She was kind and caring for him. For a while he was focused on her but he slipped into contacting his last partner which was ruining his new relationship. He didn't want to admit or accept he was not accepting that was done and he needed to look forward.
Through no fault of his own his landlord sold up. He ended up on the streets. Council wouldn't help him. He ended up staying eith a man he knew through work but unfortunately this man was an addict. 6 months of living there he had lost weight and wasn't OK. He actually left the nice girlfriend. But returned to her when his new friend wanted him to move out. She helped him find a flat and their relationship seemed good. But 6 months later he lost his job. He stayed in a rut from then really. He has stayed with this new woman but his treatment of her has been questionable at times. He's spiralled. Got involved with the local trouble and got himself onto drugs. His girlfriend has really backed on and has attempted to leave the relationship. But she confided in me last week that he'd been back in touch. He had gone to see her and confessed one of these males has got his feet under the table in his flat and he is feeling very trapped and depressed. He looked really unwell. He took around washing and she told me his face has sunken in and he looks like he's close to death. She fed him and washed his clothes and told him he needed to make a plan and sort things out or he will die in this world. She doesn't see or want a relationship with him particularly now. But she is being humane. I haven't spoken to him about the situation he is in..but it sounds a mess. I am not sure there's any guidance I can give to him.
Has anyone had experience of addictions and what sort of things did you do to support a loved one without enabling or harming yourself in the process?
Thank you.