Am I being verbally abused?

[Janeyboo198]

I felt like leaving my relationship because I feel a bit like a workhorse. Things have actually started getting better, I had dinner made for me lastnight and he did some housework. Hopefully things stay this way. I still feel like leaving though I think? The things he says to me, the passive aggressive remarks have ramped up a bit in place of it so I’m confused if he’s wants to make an effort to kept the relationship or not.

Last week he called me a narcissist when we were arguing, I was called a retard too but narcissistic got to me. Last night in bed, I felt happy things were getting a bit better with the effort round the house when he started watching a video really loud ‘signs of a female narcissist’ I asked was it for my benefit to kind of hurt me? He basically said if the cap fits, and obviously I got a bit upset by it and asked me reasons why I am? He said look at me now I’m causing an argument like a narcissist would. He walks past me in the house and makes snarky comments. Makes jokes about throwing me out of the window etc but says it seriously, when I make a comment he says he’s joking and I need to lighten up.

I don’t know if it’s me and I’m taking it all too seriously. Maybe that what he means by me being a narcissist? I do take things to heart. If I laughed it all off like he wants me to maybe things would get better. But why would he improve one thing for another to get worse…so confused.

This man is abusing you. I hate to say it, but he doesn’t love you. He is testing you all the time to see how much you will take. He can’t love you if he threatens to chuck you out of a window and burn your stuff… he may say these things as a “joke” but its not funny isnt it.

You do need an exit strategy. Of course ending a relationship is not easy, but you must make plans to leave.

He's a nasty misogynist who is abusing you emotionally. He's confusing you on purpose, it's a way to keep you in the relationship. If he was horrid all the time, you would go - you stay because he gives you a little bit of hope that it could get better. It won't. It will be relentless and will get worse. You will feel as if you are going mad. Of course if you try to speak to him about his behaviour, it will all be your fault. He gets a power trip from treating you like shit, it makes him feel like a big man. He's not. He's despicable.

Leave. If you need help, contact Women's Aid or Refuge. You can do this. 💪

We’re not married and renting, no kids together thankfully.

There’s lots of things that’s been said and done that don’t feel right but I get told I’m soft if I bring them up. We got engaged a few years back and a few days later when I brought up the kind of dress I’d like he snapped at me, not been allowed to really speak about a wedding or he gets irritated, defeats the whole point of getting engaged really? I don’t understand it.

A week after the engagement he told me to take the ring off my finger when drunk because I’d asked him to quieten down, so I took it off upset and threw it on the side, it bounced under the bed. He’d picked it up without me knowing and I’d spent 2 days devastated thinking it was lost permanently because I’d been through every inch of the room over and over looking for it and he told me it was lost. He said it was to teach me a lesson. I didn’t want to take the ring off in the first place. It did hurt that he’d seen me so upset and carried it on.

We went on holiday with friends and the couples all sat next to each other on the flight, he said in front of everyone he’ll see me enough on holiday and went and sat at the other end and didn’t look in my direction once the whole 6 hour flight, that made me feel awful. Parts of the holiday he was lovely, then parts were awful like I didn’t exist. It’s really hard to explain it all without sounding sensitive.

I came back ready to leave but had no where to go and no money. I’ve managed to save enough now so could probably afford to leave.

so now you can afford to leave, how soon are you going to do so.

thank goodness you don't have a child with him !

He gives you just enough to keep you coming back for more. This isn’t love, it’s abuse. A toxic relationship.

There’s nothing keeping you with this man. Time to put your big girl pants on and make plans to leave.

Oh for goodness sake op, you have no ties and he is a complete prick.

What are you doing wasting your life with such utter scum?

You don't sound sensitive, your partner sounds like an abusive arsehole. Don't walk, run away!

IMO anyone who feels the need to teach their partner a lesson, simply teaches the world that they are an abusive arsehole, best avoided at all costs.