Bf won't leave dog alone, relationship is feeling restrictive

[Jillymint]

My Bfs dog has separation anxiety so he won't leave her alone at all, this includes bf going to the loo, or even just popping into the kitchen.
We carn't go on dates, and even if we could, then it would have to be when I visited him at his home, and that's if his son was free to dogsit at that time.
To be honest though, I don't think he is the type of man who would say he was taking me out for a meal!
They have been coming to stay at mine more lately as it's easier with the travel arrangements, plus I have to leave my dog with my daughter.
We go out each day for a couple of hours, a forest walk usually, but then we carn't go into shops or whatever as one of us has to stay outside, and thats not so good if the weather is bad.
Every evening we spend at home with bf sitting on the armchair chair, dog on lap.
I have an elderly male dog who is well behaved, and whom I love dearly, but I've never had these problems with him and still have my independence.

He does put his dog first, whether thats putting the dogs in the car, or giving them treats etc.
My dog loves him, but does wonder why only his dog is allowed on bfs lap.
Bf is fond, and will give him fuss for a few mins, but then says to my dog...right give me a little break now.

I don't know what to think, or feel right now, as this will happen more going forward as bf will be staying at my house.
Bf is a good man, whom I trust completely, and we get on quite well, though there are differences in our personalities.
So I'm starting to feel the lack of romance, and like I've got a companion/ friend who comes to stay over, especially as it's a 50/50 split with paying for a takeaway, coffee etc.

There just doesn't seem to be any solution, unless anyone can suggest anything please?
🙄

I couldn’t be with someone who gave more attention to their dog than me, and I love my pets with a passion.
How old are you and how long have you been together? Unless you are happy to spend every night in for the rest of your life, the only solution-apart from insisting he book it in for dog training/therapy or whatever-is to break up.

How long have you been together?
Just sounds ridiculous if I'm honest. It's not going to get better. The fact that you can't even go out is a hard no for me. Is that how you want to spend your life? Never being able to go out as a couple?

I’d never date a dog owner for this reason, but regardless I would have been out of there the instant I realised how restrictive his dog was going be. You’re not compatible. It sounds as though you haven’t been together very long and you have separate homes and independent lives: just end things before any of that changes.

Politely say goodbye and good luck. If his dog is exceptionally needy to the point it owns his life, he is not capable of having a healthy fulfilling relationship with you (or likely anyone). I doubt most single parents are tramlined like that.

Do your dogs get along with each other? If so could you leave them together while you went out for a meal/drink? then his dog is not alone

Does dating this bloke enhance your life massively and make it fun? That's the only reason to have a boyfriend, so there's no real need to date this one, sounds tedious.

This is beyond ridiculous. There is not a snowball's chance in hell that I would put up with this level of pandering towards an animal, and you are clearly fed up to the back teeth of it as well, so just dump him.

I love animals, both cats and dogs but I couldn't deal with this. Your partner's life is entirely restricted by his dog, which in turn is restricting your life too. Has he sought a Vet's advice regarding his dog's separation anxiety? I am sure he and his dog could work with an animal behaviourist, to try and manage this better. It's not an unusual behaviour, so I am sure someone with expertise could help. Unless he seeks some help for his dog, so that you can both have a normal relationship with each other, I can't see how you can moved forwards otherwise.

Is he trying to address the separation anxiety with training or just letting it carry on.

He has his priorities and his dog is clearly the first one. It's unsurprising that you're feeling like it's a platonic relationship. I'd leave him to it and find someone who can prioritise you more.

This.

He has found his true love. Leave them to it.

I rather think he’s told you what his priorities are, OP. I also wonder whether it’s man or dog with the separation anxiety.

He's spending more and more time at yours but not actually to your benefit at all and doesn't sound like he is addressing or trying to resolve the separation anxiety.

Get rid, there's nothing in this for you at all if you feel like friends.

He's not even taking you out because of his dog and his non action over her problems but won't even treat you to a take away in lieu of being restricted.... he is using you and your home.

Apart from the fact he is doing the poor dog no favours, he sounds like he is not fitting your idea of a romantic partner.
You don't need a reason to stop seeing someone, but if you did you have one (or several) all dog related.

Bf sounds pathetic tbh. Insufferable 😩

I have the ick.

Doesn't sound like he's in the right place for a relationship. Break up and wish him well.

A stinky dog on his lap every night. Offering the dog a seat in the car before his gf? Buys the dog treats but won't even take you to fucking Nandos.
I get your obviously a dog owner yourself but who prioritises dogs over human beings?
I'd tell him you're not up for the dog being with you on all dates. Is money tight? He needs to train the dog to be able to use a sitter/dog walker. Otherwise I'd say it's not the most romantic situation to continue in.
What happens to the dog when you two go to bed and have sex?

No thanks!

I love dogs!

But I can’t bear when people get dogs, don’t train them properly and dog ends up with issues. Then they don’t do anything to help the dog.
Bloody irresponsible pet owners. It’s selfish and lazy

I'd wish him and the dog a long and happy relationship and move on.

Me too.

The dog isn’t the problem, your bf is. Has he even tried to do things differently, does he even want to? This man has clearly shown you where his priorities lie, the balls in your court. By going along with this farce, you are telling him that it’s ok and you don’t expect any different.

I wouldn’t waste more time hoping for him to this is who he is, accept it or move on.