Please talk some sense into me - ghosting?

[Mindintheclouds]

Please give my head a wobble. Why do men do this?

A man I've been talking to for the last couple of months is sending me such mixed signals that it's starting to affect my self esteem which sounds pathetic as I type it out. I have had quite a huge crush on this man for about a year but thought nothing would ever happen (we worked together and I would never make a move on a colleague) we were friendly enough with eachother. He got another job and before he left added me Facebook and began messaging me casually at first then multiple times a day to the point I have been wondering if he also likes me back and was bordering on just going for it and asking him out. For the last week he's started for example messaging me to ask me a question or initiate messaging for the day but when I reply he now ignores my message for 6+ hours despite being online. I've thought ah well in a way I'm glad he's just not replying but then he will reply back asking me more questions or initiating another topic so that the ball is in my court to just ignore him which feels rude but at the same time if you're taking forever to reply to me I assume you aren't interested or don't want to talk to me.

I've never been the type to be insecure or let a guy get under my skin especially before we are even dating but somehow this is really getting to me and making me feel quite pathetic and needy that I'm so bothered about him seeing my messages and ignoring me. If he were to just not reply and that was it I think I'd be over it but he seems to always message me back just as I'm feeling confident to just knock it all on the head.
Is it a coincidence or is the a game that men play? Please talk some sense into me😭

He’s fishing for attention. When you reply, he’s got his temporary satisfaction and he ignores you. When he wants attention again he messages you again. It’s a tedious cycle and I recommend you don’t entertain it any longer.

If you like him just ask him out, he’s probably too nervous to ask you. Men get rejected so often we don’t dare take the risk and then women play hard to get so then the man does and no one wins. Just ask him.

I'm not playing hard to get though. I've tried to not engage in game playing so even if he has decided to ignore me literally all day before replying, I am replying like a normal person as soon as I see the message.

Thank you, I need some realism.

My point still stands. He’s either being a dick or nervous. Either way what have you got to lose by asking him.

Respectfully you're not giving any reason why he would be nervous and now suddenly ignoring me which is hardly a good set up for asking someone out.

His ‘normal’ is quite possibly not your ‘normal’, though. Unless it’s time-sensitive or an emergency, I’m not that likely to respond to texts during a working day. I’d probably be a bit taken aback if someone expected an immediate reply to a conversational text sent at 11 am on a Tuesday, for instance. You sound very over-invested in someone you’re not even dating. I’d take a step back for your own peace of mind. For whatever reason, this interaction isn’t working for you.

But there’s no indication he’s ’ignoring you’, either. You say he always replies, just not as quickly as you think is ‘normal’ (whereas his reply time is definitely closer to my ‘normal’ than yours). Is it possible he wasn’t expecting you to message back so consistently quickly, hence wasn’t prepared for text conversations during the working day? If he’s in a fairly new job, presumably he needs to concentrate on that?

This isn’t ghosting though. He is replying but nothing the timeframe you want him to. A few hours without response is normal for me.

Tbh it doesn’t seem like he’s looking
for anything more than chatting imo. Agree with a PP that you sound over invested and maybe reading more into this than it is.

That’s your ‘normal’ though and isn’t his. I never reply immediately if I’m at work, doing other stuff etc. I wait until I have time for a proper considered response and that might be much later on the evening

Theres no normal just different communication styles. Yours just don’t align

My advice with anything is to bring it into real life, not text. If no KEEN interest, forget it. Don't waste time deliberating over texting frequency, what it means and whether to continue. That's not what you want, you want to meet him in person. So ask. If he accepts with enthusiasm, brilliant. See how it goes in the real world. Any excuses, ignoring, messing about, forget him. Text isn't real at this stage and not worth analysing. If you don't want to do that, knock the messaging in the head.

Thank you, I do completely understand that and I don't expect a quick reply to anything. I more wanted someone to give my head a wobble that he is probably indicating that he isn't interested as he's gone from always replying within a few hours to suddenly literally 12-24 hours at a time all while in between updating his story and posting on Facebook etc. I definitely don't expect immediate replies just wondering if people ever on purpose show that they're available / on social media posting etc while they're not replying to you to indicate if you should not reply to them. I'm autistic and I often worry I'm missing social cues.

I'm definitely completely over invested! That why I need a reality check 😅

Thank you I'm definitely over invested and over analysing hence I need a reality check! It's been a long time since I liked anyone and didn't actually think anything would happen so I admit I've got a bit carried away in my head that there was a chance he liked me back.

Well, if you like him, ask him out? At least it will put a stop to you being over-invested in his replying to your texts.

I want to but I think PP are right and he's probably not that interested or was but no longer is.