How to function in an abusive marriage

[hunyouok123]

I am really really struggling. I wish I was dead and think about suicide constantly every single day. I am in an abusive relationship. I am trying to get out but financially will have to sort myself out first. I have no money but do work but struggling to save anything. To make it worse I wfh and so does he. The constant abuse name calling is really tough and it takes every fibre of my being to pull myself together so I can sit and work for a few hours. I can't afford to lose my job. I know he wants me to. My question is what do I do in the meantime. How do I function how do I get work done?

Have you spoken to Women's Aid? You might be able to get out sooner, or get him out. Even having a concrete plan with a date might help you get through.

I'm so sorry for what you are going through
I have been there a few years ago and came out of it with Women's aid help. It wasn't easy but I thought, what have I got to lose? Nothing. It couldn't get any worse.

Do you have children?
Don you have good support network?

I can promise you that getting out is the most important thing you can do. If you've got a job I know you will be fine!
Have you got children? It sounds so bad thay staying there is going to take your life.
Do you rent or pay mortgage? Again PP has mentioned but please speak to Womens Aid. They can help you and help you get back on your feet. X

I have two children. I'm worried about what my future looks like as he keeps threatening to not give 50/50 custody. I know he's going to make my life hell for divorcing him. But I honestly can't go on. Today I was called a bitch a fat slag ugly and constantly told I'm a bad mum. I honestly wish I wasn't such a coward and I could actually just kill myself. It'd make everyone's life easier.

Please go and speak to someone IRL if you're feeling this down.
If he is abusive, consider reporting to the police. You will then be able to get support with occupation orders / non molestation orders. If you start engaging with places like Women's Aid you will understand that there is a fair bit of support available for women just like you.
It sounds like you're already living in he'll, so please don't get too worried about custody or divorce just yet but your immediate safety and well being. One step at a time x

I don’t really know what to say or suggest but I want you to know you are not alone in this and don’t be alone in this. Never feel you can’t ask for help and never feel you can’t reach out. There is someone waiting to help you now. Wishing you all the best for a better future xx

I think the first thing you should do is see your GP. Tell her your situation and how you're feeling because it's important to document it. Your GP should know of local services that she can refer you to. She should also be able to offer medication or give advice on your mental health.

You can get free legal advice from Rights of Women and wikivorce has lots of information on divorce.

Gingerbread has a good helpline on anything to do with being a single parent including finances, legal services, co parenting and housing.

I imagine he's financially abusive which is why you can't save. A domestic abuse organisation can give you advice. Hopefully your Dr can refer you but you can also self refer. You can find your local organisation by typing 'Domestic abuse help' + your area.

Don't tell your husband of any plans and gather what financial information you can such as savings, investments, wages and pensions.

You can also talk to a domestic abuse organisation about a refuge if you really feel in crisis.

Can you imagine your two DDs only having him to deal with and not you. @hunyouok123 you need to call women’s aid and you need to leave. Your DDs will be so much better off out of this. You can set up contact arrangements, apps etc that keep him pretty much out of your life and you can get into a place where your children have a safe home with you. He is total and utter scum treating you that way. My MIL put up with this shit from my FIL for years she got out, you can too.

I was where you were, felt frozen I looked at my girls one day and said nope you aren't seeing this and you will not think this is healthy from that moment it was up. I'm not saying the abuse stopped it took a while for that, still attempts now tbf but when you see the threats, the control and all of that from the outside everything starts to make sense, you come back to life, I even discovered I didn't have the mental health issues and failures I was tricked into believing I had 🥰 You can do this, one step at a time, although I think that first step is speaking to women's aid over live chat if safe and possible to do so.