Advice Please help! Am I being unreasonable?
I am 28 and partner is 29
For context my partner is only child we have been together 3 years. We have had our first baby this year now 5 months old.
So recently got our first house (was living with my parents while renovating) and this was absolutely fine. MIL was fine during duration of this, always text him and wanted to do things but it seems to be getting worse.
It seems now we have our own space she wants to be overly involved and cannot accept that we have our own family / lives and plans - takes offence to it.
I will give some examples.
We had just moved in, she asked my partner if she could come over - yes course, then asked can she stay the night? We hadn’t been in the house a week - this caused an argument because I wasn’t ok with it, we just finally got our own space as a family and your mum wants to sleepover? she also lives 18 minute drive away… My Mother would never ask - especially on the first week! She was upset and cried so caused a row, because I had upset his mum. She then went on to say we used to always have sleepovers at family members when you was younger, I get that but they are your traditions. Why must we follow?
I feel like she cannot accept that his life has changed now and he has a family of his own.
She messages him everyday which is fine but the messages are just like things that make me think she is slightly obsessed? ‘ it’s always been me and you. Me and you against the world’ ect ect…
My partner does stick up for her at times saying that’s just how she is ect she loves me I’m her only child but at same time understands me and I don’t have to do what she wants all the time. He has spoken to her and said this but she just cries and says she is feeling pushed out of his life.
We have plans a lot we both have hobbies friends and are always doing things. If we already have something planned she takes it offensively or will say well can I come? But it’s not always ideal bringing your MIL out somewhere when meeting friends? Haha.
If we go a week without seeing her it’s an issue.
Whenever she does come over she doesn’t know when to leave often here all day and night… that’s why I prefer to visit her. Also to add to this she doesn’t seem that interested in her grandchild just her son when she comes over she just wants to know how he is doing ect rarely asks about our baby.
I just feel like her whole life revolves around my partner - she rarely does anything with any friends and I can just tell she is now upset that he has grown up and he’s not her little boy anymore, she still wants to baby him and be so involved doesn’t want him to do things on his own, he was thinking of moving jobs and she was like no your not ect he said no I want to and she was like il look at suitable options. - also has his password for his emails which I think is strange.
He also cannot do any wrong in her eyes. He is amazing golden boy - which he is amazing but obviously everyone has disagreements and faults if she is ever present she always has a comment to get involved. Which is why I feel when we have plans or she doesn’t respect OUR boundaries she will solely blame me.
For more context.
I see my own parents quite frequently they are retired so I spend most my maternity leave days at their house visa verca we are close, but they don’t overstep the mark will not ask to sleep, will not be offended if I’m busy ect ect. But I feel like this is a thing for girls your with your own mum a lot? But she gets I have my own family if I don’t see her either for a while she understands that. MIL gets jealous that my mum is around more but one she is retired and two I just feel like I go to my own mum more? Cause she is my mum.
I also have a brother and my mother is not the way my MIL is with my brother.
We don’t have loads in common anyway, she is nice but not easiest to talk to, but I just don’t want to keep arguing over her I feel like it’s going to affect our relationship.
Am I being unreasonable? And what’s your advice please?