Living alone in your 40s and beyond

[Pickles2024]

Just looking for some honest feedback please - anyone out there in their 40s and over who is genuinely happy living alone after being in a relationship? Would you be happy staying single?

Google is divided between terribly lonely people struggling and those who say they would never look back.

I'm in the lonely category really struggling particularly as it was my fault the relationship ended and the regret eats away at me - loneliness is karma I guess but just makes life even more painful

Ok you fucked up, it’s not my place to ask what you’ve done but it’s in the rear view mirror now.
You have to start getting out. Go to the gym, join some clubs, that sort of thing. As for karma, well that’s in your head, some new faces in your life would help a lot.
Good luck!

I’m 51, got divorced 10 years ago & I came to realise fairly quickly that I never want to live with anyone ever again except my cat.

I get out a lot & have a pretty good social life, but I’m an introvert who needs to be on my own to recharge.

I live alone. I was widowed when I was my 52. At first my son lived with me - he was a student. But he then got a job in another city so I've lived by myself about 9 years.
I think it takes some getting used to. And in some respects I really enjoy being totally able to do what I like when I like, eat what I like etc.

My problem is though I have no other family apart from my son and no friends ,just acquaintances. So I do get lonely.

My feeling is if you have family or friends or hobbies that bring you in contact with people then living alone is actually good. But if you don't then it does have it's down side

it is up to you now. It is a different lifestyle. You have freedom some people would be really envious of. Sitting on the couch with Netflix every night will be lonely- join a gym, do a course, take up a hobby.

Like with most things it is what you make of it.

Thank you for your feedback, no cheating just wasn't supportive and the damage was done. I didn't value the person enough and took them for granted and now I'm on my own. The combination of losing the person I wanted to spend my life with and now a future alone is just so hard to get my head round

I am mid forties. Have lived on my own since I was thirty.

I love it. I have a really full on job and love coming home and closing the door and having my own space.

i have a beautiful home that I have spent the last three years renovating. I live within walking distance of family so if I want company I just pull on a coat and nip over to my sisters for a glass of wine. 🍷

I have two nieces who I am very close to, I take them on holiday every year, they stay over every few weekends.

I went though a phase about five years ago of finding it a bit lonely. But I moved closer to family and having people drop in and out at the weekends has really changed things.

Was the breakup recent? You might still be adjusting to the loss. It’s a big change when the central person in your life is suddenly gone. I find single life a mixed bag. I have friends and hobbies, and I love the freedom. My life is definitely more peaceful without my ex but I do miss the company.

My breakup forced me to do some deep self-reflection, which has changed my outlook on life for the better. It’s my responsibility to make me happy, so that’s what I focus on now. I think accountability is key in creating the life you want, and I’m glad I know not to wait around for someone else to show up to give me the life I want.

I shudder to even think about living with another man. My ife consists of me doing whatever I want. My two cats give me all the love I need.
Two salaries would make life easier but I can live without.

Thank you Gettingbysomehow, I'm the opposite perhaps I was too needy and built my life around them and because it was an unwanted breakup now life seems empty and it's broken me

It's what you make it. I love it, but I take myself out and about most days at my own pace. I work out twice a week to the extent that my body allows (chronic illness and pain).

I’m 58, divorced since 2016, 1 2 year relationship since and I can say hand on heart I would never ever ever live with a man again.

Tried OLD and hated it. I have a big friendship group, go out socially most weekends, have 4/5 holidays a year plus a couple of weekends away and enjoy my life.

If I meet someone organically I’m not against dating but cohabitating - absolutely no. I can’t not imagine coming home from work and having to talk to someone 🤣

I kinda live alone as my youngest has just gone to uni. I'm a widow, my husband passed away suddenly when I was 47 and my youngest had just started reception. I'm now 62 and though I've been open to having a new relationship for over a decade but it just hasn't happened. And I'm totally fine with that. I like my own company and have no trouble filling the time. Would it be nice to have someone to go out with, go on holiday or just hang out at home? Sure. I do miss a bit of the social side of having a partner - a single woman is just not included in a number of social gatherings which are predominantly couples. And it takes that much more motivation to go out to do some things without a partner to go with. And the family responsibilities are all in me, which is a heavy load.
If I do meet someone great, but I doubt I'd ever want to live with someone again.

You sound like you're grieving the relationship still, OP.

I think theres a really difficult balance of letting yourself grieve and adjust without letting it go on for too long and getting stuck or romanticising a past relationship.

1. Get cats
2. move to a city

Not quite the same because I have a young teen (lone parent) but I've lived without my ex husband for 11 years. I cannot imagine ever sharing a roof with a man again. I love my space, my freedom, my rules, my life without all his endless shite. It's great. I have loads of friends and a full life. So yes, it's possible.

I’d advice some counselling @Pickles2024
It sounds like you are still beating yourself up and dreaming about that ‘perfect life’ with your ex. And comparing your current life to that perfection. No wonder you are finding it hard!!

I think that before being to feel at ease being on your own, you need to grieve and move on from your old one.

I dint know about point 1.
But fully agree about the city part!

I lived with my daughter (just the two of us) after her father left when she was born. He's had no involvement at all. DD moved out two years ago when she was 25 and I'm loving living alone. I will never live with anyone again (unless she needed somewhere, obviously). The idea of being with a man full time has zero appeal. I've dated over the years but wouldn't have considered moving anyone in while DD was still here - and now I realise that I wouldn't and couldn't do so anyway.

I think the trick is to see it as a positive, not as a failure of the alternatives. In the end, we are all alone, whatever our living circumstances. There’s a lot to be said for peace and quiet.

Most women on this thread are talking about never living with a man again, but the OP hasn’t specified sexes.

Probably irrelevant but the use of ‘they’ is something I find increasingly irritating - although people who do it often slip into using the correct pronoun without noticing.

Why are you assuming you'll be alone the rest of your life?

I'm 56 and have been on my own for the last 12 years. Kids have pretty much left home now and I have a cat for company!

I don't want to live with a man again, prefer being on my own. I would like to move somewhere I can just walk into a town centre though - live in the sticks at the moment.

I've lived alone since I was 42 - I'm now 65. I love it and wouldn't even entertain the thought of sharing my home with anyone ever again.

I love it!!!
was in a sterile marriage do got used to doing things on my own when the kids went to university. Have lived done now for 2years/loads of friends/sports/social life.
Love my job(teacher) but leaving at Xmas to spend my best life skiing/traveling/socialising. Open to a relationship but definitely not living with anyone.