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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Please help, what do I do

4 replies

Deanthescream · 25/11/2024 08:31

My partner and I have been together for 10 years. I am currently 16 weeks pregnant. Unmarried, house owned as joint tenants. I am the breadwinner, only slightly and bring it approximately £2.5k per month.

6 months ago my partner went on holiday with his friends. Afterwards I was suspicious of his behaviour and found messages on his phone to and from another woman he had met out there. For reasons which I won’t go into, and without wanting to make it the topic of this conversation, I know it didn’t get physical at any point but the messages crossed a boundary.

After this our relationship was in a bad way and he started lying about where he was to drink and gamble. I caught him, we had a heart to heart conversation and nothing has happened since. We promised that we would put everything behind us and I promised I wouldn’t throw it in his face. He’s been excellent since then.

on Friday we had an argument. It started over something utterly petty and in the heat of the moment I told him how I don’t believe that he is where he says he is, he cheated on me, I don’t trust him etc. the argument got so unnecessarily heated over nothing. He told me that he hasn’t loved me since before he went away, I pushed him into what he done and neither of us should feel the way we do. He shouldn’t feel like I don’t trust him everytime he leaves the house and I shouldn’t feel that way either.

The reality is that he’s grown so much and come such a long way over the last 5 months and what I said, was said in the heat of the argument. I know he says stuff when he gets angry too and again, that’s not right from either of us. Aside from what happened on Friday, since we had our heart to heart months ago, things have been really well between us.

Either way he insisted on Friday that he wanted the relationship to end and we haven’t spoken since. I have apologised for my part of the argument but received nothing back.

What on earth do I do and how do I approach this? Feeling this way emotionally is bad enough, let alone being pregnant. How do I go about supporting myself if it truly is over, how do I get all that done prior to having a baby. My mum lives locally but only has a single room available. Where do I go and what do I do without causing myself anymore heartbreak and stress? I can barely sleep.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 25/11/2024 08:32

Put the house on the market, or offer to buy him out, and give baby your surname.

gotmychristmasmiracle · 25/11/2024 09:18

What the PP has replied! Time to move on, he doesn't want to be in the relationship, take him for his word.

TipsyJoker · 25/11/2024 09:28

As PP have said. And I’d be willing to bet he DID cheat on you and that’s why he’s being so defensive. Not only that but he’s gaslighting you and using DARVO against you, turning his bad behaviour around on you and making himself the victim. If he didn’t love you he should’ve ended the relationship. Instead he chose to impregnate you, go on a lads holiday and cheat on you. He’s a dickhead and you are better off without him. Def give your child your surname. Make sure he pays maintenance. I’ve been a single parent and it’s so much better than living in a shitty bad atmosphere environment with a man who has zero respect for you. Oh and btw, the fact that he’s been better the last 5 months means nothing. He’s only doing that to keep you sweet and hoover you back in. It’s only a matter of time before he’s cheating again. Once a cheater always a cheater.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 25/11/2024 14:39

You hold the cards here. You are the main breadwinner. You are carrying your child.
He is a cocklodger. He is also clearly spending money he hasn’t got, is drinking and gambling, but clearly had been putting a face on so that he has a home.
He is not really bringing anything to your family table. Has he considered support you will need during maternity, what he needs to do to help, and how he can build a future for your child? No.
You are feeling to blame when you have done nothing wrong. It is in your subconscious that he has behaved appallingly.
You are feeling very vulnerable because you are pregnant. Don’t even think about moving out of that house yet. Talk to your mum and your friends and get some support.
If they relationship is over it is best to know now then when you are about to go into labour.
This man has been caught out in a lie, or many, and he’s blamed you.
Despicable.

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