Partner has severe sleep apnea and won't wear a mask

[Beckyboo34178]

I have to sleep in a separate room. He hates it and says I'm selfish. He makes me feel quilty even tho I'm the one who doesn't have the problem
He refuses to wear the mask because he can't get on with it but I need my rest for work. Really down about it

I have to sleep in a separate room. He hates it and says I'm selfish. He makes me feel quilty even tho I'm the one who doesn't have the problem
He refuses to wear the mask because he can't get on with it but I need my rest for work. Really down about it. I would love to know other peoples thoughts

What does he say when you tell him you can't sleep for the noise?

Could you keep waking him every time he snores? After a night of that he might be happy for you to sleep in another room. I assume you have explained how you don’t get any sleep?

I think you've found a good solution and I'd try and cheer up about it. Lots of couples sleep apart if they have the space, it shouldn't be a big deal.

Has he been back to the clinic to find out if whatever he finds difficult about the mask has been adjusted? Has he considered any lifestyle changes?

You aren't his sleep aid or his possession and your health matters too.

If he has been diagnosed with sleep apnea and won’t wear the mask it is illegal for him to drive. See if that makes a difference

I sympathise with you.
My dad did the same, he did not wear the mask and it worked for some time (years in fact) until one day he did not wake up.

Your partner knows the risk OP and no matter what you say, it won't change his mind. Ultimately he knows that I'd he does not wear it he risks his life. What else can you say/ do that would be more impactive?

Honestly, I’d be sleeping in a different house if DH made me feel guilty like that.

Record him and play it back. People do not realise how bad they are until they hear it. Then play it to him at night when he is trying to sleep. Let him get the message.

My dh tried a few styles of mask before he found one that suited him. Could he try a different one?

We sleep in separate bedrooms. It works perfectly for us as we both now get very good sleep. Our sex life is better than ever because we are no longer tired. I will never share a bed ever again!

No way to the selfish guilt tripping. Is he massively overweight as well and not doing anything about it?

Does he understand the (very real) long term health effects of un managed sleep apnea??

He's being childish saying you're selfish to sleep alone. He has a choice, wear the mask or sleep alone, it's selfish of him to expect you to be kept awake all the time. Send him back to the Dr to get a different mask

And he thinks YOU are selfish? What an arse.

I have sleep apnoea. I have worn the mask for years. It is really hard at the beginning but I had no choice. It was that or lose my driving licence. He will be at high risk of a heart attack. He is being totally selfish and lazy. Yes it’s annoying but if he falls asleep at the wheel and kills someone it won’t be an accident it will be a choice.

I second everyone who says try a new mask. My husband went through quiet a few before he found one that works for him.

He needs to give it a try, because let's be honest, at some point he'll stop breathing and go to sleep anyway might as well do that with the ball on. Otherwise, the natural consequence is that you sleep elsewhere and his health suffers. You're not the selfish one here

*mask not ball 🤭

He’s an absolute arsehole.

How long has your DH had the mask (and the machine?) Has he persisted with it? I have a friend who has one, also for severe apnea and she needed some time to get used to the mask, but now loves it and wouldn't be without it. My DH is also going through the process, (albeit because of daytime drowsiness which may not be apnea related - his sleep analysis didn't show severe sleep disturbance.) He had a rough first night but is steadily getting used to the mask.

As far as your sleep is concerned, do what you have to to protect your health. You aren't selfish, but he is if he expects you to function while dead on your feet.

My DH has sleep apnea and fortunately the first mask he was given worked, however he was prepared to try any and all until he found ‘the one’. Our marriage would be over if he didn’t undergo treatment, I meant that in complete sincerity when telling him.

Aside from the ridiculous risk he’s taking with his health, he could fall asleep at the wheel and seriously harm/kill a passer by or you.