I am completely unloved

[applepie9]

My husband of 10 years cannot stand me. I just tried to hug him and he pushed me off, saying I was strangling his neck. We have DC but I cannot take this lack of love anymore. I’m so desperately sad and alone.

I would ssk him to move into his parents house and separate for now. This is not a ‘happy’ home for your children, as he is a terrible role model for them to grow up with.

You deserve to be loved. And I suspect you can not go on like this op.

When you talk what does he say? Why does he act like this?

Don’t live your life for your kids, it’s soul destroying.

If the sexes were reversed here, the reaction would be "you sound demanding", "she doesn't owe you affection", and "you're smothering her".

Just saying. ♥️

That said, your husband's behaviour does sound like that of somebody who doesn't love you.

I would ask him to be honest about if he wants to stay married to you.

Or perhaps take some step to initiate separation (such as a solicitors meeting or getting the house valued). Perhaps that might show him how fed up you are of the situation.

even though she admitted & her mother confirmed, that she was never a cuddly child and did not require love or affection.

Have you thought that your wife might be neuro-diverse FinnGermey?

I could be totally wrong but that snippet of your post jumped out at me, and the fact that your wife likes to plan when you are intimate.

This is probably for another thread but it might be worth looking up traits of autism in adult females before you label your wife a narcissist?

Sorry, one more thing. All these things you mention are of course unpleasant things, but they are things you can deal with.

If you discovered he'd been shagging around and had got somebody else pregnant, all while withholding love and affection from you, presumably you'd find a way to make separation happen then.

It's just a question of what you are willing to put up with.

I'd give up looking for affection from him, disconnect seeing as it's what he wants. Carry on being a family for now if you want, and when feeling the need, combined with opportunity, accept affection elsewhere. It's no more than he deserves. He could have already beaten you to this though, and its unlikely this situation will carry on indefinitely till the DC's are 18. You do have thinking time probably though. Once you give up trying and begging for his affection and accept he's checked out, and check out yourself, life will be easier. I hope he doesn't expect sex to be on the cards at times still - if so, he can think again.

Well since you've decided to martyr yourself for your children, you better hope he doesn't find someone he DOES love and jump ship on his own timetable.

He may already be planning it.

I felt very similar to you years ago. I stayed, because, like you, I thought it was the right thing to do. I wish every day I had left when I knew I should have.

But why wait until the kids are 18? They don't just get to 18 and all the worries we have when they are small evaporate - they are no cheaper or easier at 18, quite the oposite really. If you want to wait until they are independent adults you need to wait until they are well in their 20's. And in the meantime, life is passing you by, you are getting older, more financially entangled with your DH, it will be even harder to leave and you will be wishing you had left years ago. Don't waste your life on account of you children as believe me, they will not be thankin you for it.

Could it be that he loves you but don't like affection?

OP, you need to save yourself and DC from this horrible situation. I grew up with parents who disliked each other. No violence, just a deeply unhappy atmosphere that badly affected all their children.

Your children may not be, or remain, as happy as you think. I was brilliant at playing the happy little fairy who cheered everyone up. Inside, I was sad and insecure. Your husband’s coldness to you may harm your DC too.

People do find a way, even when the money thing feels impossible, this doesn't sound like a 'hang on until they are 18' scenario when that's still so far away.

If you can't plausibly leave soon, start planning for how you are going to, even if it takes a few years.