Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I let it go?

11 replies

Annabelle94 · 24/11/2024 18:47

My boyfriend(30 M) and I(30F) have been together for 4 years. We had been planning to get married and next year and have a child together, we have a son(11) already but he is the biological father. He has been battling depression and social anxiety since before I met him, but we always talk about these things together he sees a therapist and takes antidepressants. A week ago on a regular day we picked up our son he dropped me off at home( we live separately) and said he would come back after he showered( he stays in the apartment directly behind mine). So couple hours later he starts texting about how he’s been feeling lately. He says he is not doing well mentally he feeling anxious about not meeting his financial goals for our future saying he is afraid of wasting my time. We kept talking I was encouraging him saying we will meet the goals together and how I love him enough to wait there was no rush or deadline. My motto is enjoy the little things in life he says that feels like surviving and not like the growth he wants. We end the conversation on a good note says he’s tired so I say goodnight fall asleep. I wake up an hour later he texted me he needs a break he is depressed he needs to get hisself together. I will admit I lost my and called him crying and saying why does he need to leave me to get better what about our son? I was very emotional about the whole think he hung up on me. I cried myself to sleep and said I should just let him sleep on it. The next day I called and texted and Facebook messaged for seven days he ignored me. I even sat outside his apartment he refused to open the door and talk to me. So I decided on the 5th day I was just going to wait and give him space. On the 8 th day he was ready to talk he said he didn’t mean to hurt me he just needed to deal with his depression on his own we talked for hours and I thought we were going to work it out. He left to go shower he had just got off work and texted an hour later that he can’t be in this relationship anymore and he couldn’t look me in the face and say that he doesn’t deserve my devotion. Again I admit I lost my again ( I have IED and bi-polar depression) I broke things I cried and then I walked to his apartment and knocked so loud and screaming until he opened the door and we talked he said he feels like he might self destruct and he doesn’t want me to witness it and said I don’t care I just want to love you he said that my love and devotion feels heavy we sat on the floor and cried and talk and I told him I would give him space but to please just answer my calls and texts when I check on him at least. That was 2 days ago he texted the first day a little like we normally do but then yesterday he blocked me on Facebook and hasn’t responded to any of texts from yesterday or today. Should I just give up at this point? Should I keep fighting? I love this man and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. But I don’t even know what to do anymore. Should I just wait it out and stop calling for awhile? Sorry it’s so long.

OP posts:
MakemyTeaPlease · 24/11/2024 18:52

Get fucking rid.

LightSpeeds · 24/11/2024 18:53

Really, just accept it's over and move on (as difficult as it is).

I had this with my last relationship - an alcoholic with significant mental health problems. He really messed me around (same sort of stuff as your partner) and it went on for 5 years until the whole thing finally ended.

It was very tough and I'm still moving on - but I'm glad all the crap is finally over.

Read back what you've written and the see the emotional wreck you are. That's what HIS problems are doing to YOU.

Thinking of you x

TheShellBeach · 24/11/2024 18:56

I'm so sorry.

It does sound like this is over. As difficult as it seems right now, you need to let him go.

MundaySunday · 24/11/2024 18:59

He’s blocked you. That right there is the final nail in the coffin. If he unblocks you later, that’s major mind-games. You’ll never know where you stand with him, nor feel secure. I understand you deeply love him but he’s not good for you. It’s a very chaotic and dysfunctional relationship.

TipsyJoker · 24/11/2024 19:16

Block him everywhere and get some help for yourself. You need to work on your own mental health. You need to find yourself in a place of inner strength and good self esteem before you have another relationship with anyone. Do you really love him or are you codependent? I’m not trying to be mean but to ask you to think about how unhealthy this relationship is and how you might have unhealthy attachment issues. I would assume that if you have IED that you’re probably dealing with some past trauma. Have you had support and therapy for managing your emotions and getting episodes under control? I would be focusing on that. It’s unfortunate that your relationship has ended and your having to go through the pain of that but try to see it as a chance to focus on yourself. Put the energy you were putting into caring for your ex into yourself.

Annabelle94 · 24/11/2024 19:56

thank you for all your replies. I do currently see a therapist and she has taught de-escalation techniques but I feel my emotions are intensified when it comes to him. It’s just really hard to let go of something I thought would last forever. I will use this time to heal and focus on myself.

OP posts:
unclemtty · 24/11/2024 20:27

It is really hard when you are heartbroken, that doesn't mean you should try and get back with him.
It will be the same again, him struggling and blowing hot and cold and you ending up devastated. Rinse and repeat.

You have to put you and your son first.

AnstaSis · 24/11/2024 20:36

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

MullerDuller · 24/11/2024 22:43

What type of therapy is your boyfriend having?

Annabelle94 · 25/11/2024 13:04

MullerDuller · 24/11/2024 22:43

What type of therapy is your boyfriend having?

I believe it’s cognitive support therapy.

OP posts:
Annabelle94 · 25/11/2024 13:07

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Thank you. You are right I don’t even know what to tell my son. I asked not to call his dad for awhile because he is sick. He is “not” the biological father, I couldn’t edit original post. But my son considers him his father he’s the only father he has ever known.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread