Living back home with parents at 28

[DAISYBELLAxx]

Hi everyone,

Today I collect my things from my ex boyfriend's flat to move back to my parents.

I was previously in an 8 year relationship where we owned a house. He cheated, then we sold the house and I kept half of the money saved. I moved back to my parents for a year and in that time quickly met my more recent partner. I moved in with him and things became emotionally abusive.

I am moving back in again with my parents at 28. Whilst I feel so fortunate that they have been amazing, I also feel a lot of sadness and that a part of my independence is gone.

My jobs destroys my mental health, and over the last few months I have trained in something else that I planned to go self employed in. My parents made a point that now I am back with them and do not have as many overheads, I can build my dream and add to my savings.

My savings at the moment are at 100K, so if I keep adding, I should have enough for a deposit on a place to myself eventually, or if I meet the right person in time, some money to get started again.

However, part of me feels like this would be a major turn off for men when I am in the dating pool. By the time I am ready to date, I will be 29. 29 at home with parents still? Surely this is an unattractive red flag?

To me, it doesn't make sense to rent somewhere (as I will be dwindling my savings down) or buy somewhere (as if going self employed, I will need a year's worth of books to get a mortgage).

Am I overthinking this and being too hard on myself, or do I have a point?

Thank you.

I think you need to focus on yourself and your career, and stop worrying about possible future partners and what they might think.

Spend some time focusing on you and your mental health for now. Avoid walking into another bad relationship.

Just stay with parents and save for your own house deposit. Most people have had to return home in their 20s, a broken relationship or saving a house deposit is ample reason to return and it’s only temporary.

I agree best look after yourself first. Establish hobbies, savings, friendships. Don’t think about partners just yet

It depends what you value more. At 28 with that kind of money in the bank I would (and did) buy a house by myself. Do it now when you can get a mortgage before you are self employed: you will have your house, you will have your independence.

What area of the country are you in? In many places, you can buy a small flat outright with £100k.

First post nailed it.

Focus on yourself. You are in a massively fortunate position of having supportive parents allowing you the opportunity to retrain without excess financial pressures.

Your relationship status does not define you as a person. Focus on yourself.

Yes, you're overthinking. Focus on yourself and what's best for you. I don't think that many men would be put off by you living with your parents at all.

Stop thinking about men and what they might think, enjoy being single especially after two shitty relationships.
Work at your new career, depending where you live £100k would nearly buy a small home.

You haven’t yet moved your stuff out of your ex’s house and you’re already thinking about a next relationship.

Take some time off completely from men. More than a year.

I moved back to my parents for a year and in that time quickly met my more recent partner.

Don’t repeat the same mistake again.

From a man's perspective...

A woman living with her parents wouldn't be an issue if there's a legitimate reason for it. I lived with my parents for a while at 35 years of age after the break-up of an 8.5 year relationship (she cheated) left me utterly heartbroken and barely able to function. It took the pressure off while I repaired myself. Within three months I'd moved into my own place and after a year I was pretty much fully recovered. Anyone who judges you without knowing your story is a bullet well dodged.

But, as others have said, focus on yourself first and you can meet someone when the time is right, wherever you might be living.

Honestly, men do not care.

Provided you are relatively pleasant and not (too) fat, they genuinely couldn't give a fuck (mostly). That isn't to say they will want a relationship of course but tbh, that's more about agreeableness of your personalty plus what they want at that time. 'Right place, right time, easily slots into their life' basically.

That being said, why are you thinking about other men right now? Take some times single ffs. Especially after abuse.

Stop worrying about what other people think and do what is right for you. My daughter moved back home after a break up and had no problem meeting someone else. You sound independent. It's not like you have never been away. don't overthink things. Far better to save some money for a house in the future.

Yes you are overthinking. Do what is right for you.

Love your own self for a change. The last thing you need right now is yet another relationship. Your boundaries here, already skewed by a previous poor relationship, were being further got at by this other man.

You need to be on your own to heal properly and to figure out who you are and what you want from life etc without some bloke in the picture. And be on your own for now; its far better than being with a cheat or abuser.

Do read "Women who love too much" by Dr Robin Norwood and enrol yourself onto the Freedom Programme.

OP I lived at home until I moved out to live with the partner I met age 29- he was 31. He never batted an eyelid at it. He is a doctor and says plenty of people in his place of work live with their parents as it's the way to save and get on the housing market

Because I lived at home we can now afford to buy a beautiful home and have just had an offer accepted on a house I never thought I could afford. It's an investment that'll pay off forever and I'm grateful to my parents for helping me. Plus, my relationship with my parents was strained as a teen, we are much much closer now- I actually enjoyed living at home more than I thought I would initially.

Good luck and things will work themselves out soon

Forget men… the will be a constant disappointment

Get a house and career is much more stable than a man

I wouldn't worry about a man, they're overrated. Get yourself sorted out first, career and money. Any man who is threatened by that is not worth having.

OP I have read your previous threads and you need to concentrate on having a bit of stability.
Your parents are absolutely amazing, by the way. They sound so supportive.
You have moved home for a reason which anyone would understand.
You are letting go of a career which no longer serves you but luckily have the means and facilities to start your own business.
You also have a considerable nest egg.
However, you have been through a lot in your relationships and you need some time. If you even think about meeting someone now, you will take previous head space away from getting to know yourself, having a routine, spending time with your friends, and doing what you enjoy.
Never take your parents for granted. While you aren’t a teenager, if you walk right into a new relationship it will be with someone who sees you are vulnerable right now. You need time to breathe and rebuild your life.
You are so used to being with someone that it might feel scary not to be.
At 29, I became single and it was the most liberating thing in the world. You are still so young. Learn to enjoy it, and not worry about who you will meet next.

I moved back in with my parents at 26 after splitting with ex fiancé, also had abusive ex prior to that. It was hard but allowed me to save money etc. I never envisaged wanting to live alone as it was just something I didn't want to do...met my DH a year later and moved out after 2.5yrs. It may seem like the end of the world right now but use this opportunity to focus on yourself, heal and do things for you that your enjoy. When the time comes when you're wanting to date (if you want to ofc) then just enjoy it and take the opportunity to meet different people and don't settle til you find someone mind blowing. Look at Lalalaletmeexplain on Instagram she gives some really useful advice x