How to recover from a trauma bond?

[Anxiousftmum]

I have just ended my 9 year relationship with my 5 month olds father. Without a doubt I have been trauma bonded to him for a long time. He is an addict, has treated me so terribly, is emotionally abusive and is just an all round really horrible person. We have been through so much together. We lost a baby when she was 2 days old after complications and being born at 32 weeks, we laid her to rest together. We lived together and brought our gorgeous girl into the world together. Despite everything we have been through and everything we had to look forward to, he continues to choose drink and drugs over his family. I've had enough and have had to end things. Despite him being so horrible and abusive, I am so deeply bonded to him and I am so heartbroken at how things have turned out. All I want is a hug from him. I know it's literally insane from me but I can't help feeling like this. My heart is breaking for myself and for our daughter but I can't keep putting us through this. I'm just so sad. Does anyone have any advice or know anyone I could turn to for help recovering from this?

The only thing to do is to cut all contact and get therapy. Look up co-dependancy and look into the Freedom Programme.

It will be torture at first but the old saying is true - time is a healer.

Al-Anon are really useful source of support for the loved ones of alcoholics. It helps to talk to people who have been through the same.
If he’s not sober then he will choose drink and drugs even over his own child. It is that simple.
You cannot for your own sake be around him.
But understand caring for someone like this becomes a sort of addiction in itself - you feel if you give more love, more support, and protect them, they will realise the error of their ways. They don’t.
Agree with PP about the programme, too.
Take care of yourself first and foremost.