Feeling so miserable...

[Lemonmelon1]

I'm just not sure I can carry on.
Been with my dh newly 3 years and married just over a year. The last 6 months in particular have been rough. I've caught him out on lots of lies. All relating to his ex and keeping her happy. They have a child together and it seems dh will do everything in his power to avoid any conflict just to keep her happy even if it means sacrificing my happiness. I've said so many times she should not be his priority but it doesn't change.
It's got to the point that I can't stand sc being around. I know it's not their fault but it's a reminder of the pain his dad has caused me and how it's unlikely to ever change now.
I've been out for a few ours with my own dc and had a lovely time. Then come home and sc wants to butt in to everything I try and do with my dc.
In my head I know I'm pretty much done but my heart hurts so much. I loved this guy and gave him my all. This was in my head, my last chance at happiness. After splitting from my exh who I was with for 17 years.
Does true love and happiness even exist any more?

Honestly, you do not come off well. You are channeling your frustration towards his CHILD. How would you feel if someone significant in your ex's life was trying to exclude your children in their father's home? Shame on you.

Your DH's behaviour towards his ex is a separate issue. You say your done so probably too late to sit down and compromise.

That poor child. Please, stop excluding that child because your behaviour is actually abusive and damaging. It’s awful how you are behaving. I’m sure the kids been through enough with their parents breaking up but now they have to come to their dad’s house and be abused by their wicked step mum. How awful. You need to stop being so self centred. What kind of person does that to a child? Not a very nice one.

What lengths does he go to to keep his ex happy that annoy you? Why is keeping her happy important to him? We're there not signs if him doing this before you married? If so, why did you?
Does he parent his own DC when they are there, or is he expecting you to do that for him?
You need a good long chat through this to find out if a solution can be found. Tbf though, you should of already known all this before marriage- which happened quite early on in the relationship for a blended family situation, who pushed marriage so soon?

Do you have a child together OP ?

Surely his child is his priority, not his ex? He's trying to placate his ex to make his child's life (and his, and thus yours) less stressful?
My dp has always been very open about the fact that his dd is the No. 1 person in his life, and frankly if he put me before his child I'd lose respect for him. I bet that you'd feel the same in that situation.

I loved this guy and gave him my all. This was in my head, my last chance at happiness.
That's a lot to expect from anyone. Did you get into this relationship soon after your long relationship?

Sorry to hear you're suffering, in any case. I'd highly recommend regular therapy sessions if that's an option. If not, you'll probably need to take time out to have a good think about what you've been through since splitting up with your long-term ex. Read some self-help books, listen to psychology podcasts and be open to the idea that maybe this is not just about your new dh's behaviour. You can't change his behaviour, after all, so dwelling too long on that won't be as productive as considering your own behaviours.

Do you mean he’s prioritising his child over you and yours? Imo I would think extremely little of a man who didn’t prioritise his kids.

I have no issue him prioritising his child. He should be doing that. But it's lying to me to do things to keep peace with his ex that's the issue. If it's something you want to do don't lie about it just be honest in the first place.

How old is his child? Whatever age age he/ she is please don't exclude them from joining in with your kids. That's a sure way to cause friction! What kind of things does your DH do to prioritise his ex over you and what has he lied about? Please try to see its not your step child's fault, they are caught in the middle of this and are not to blame.

I see OP. My ex used to lie. I couldn't put up with it again.
What will you do, do you think? Sounds like it would be better for his daughter if the two of you broke up? And probably for your own children too, with this tension in the house?
Maybe you'd be happier on your own for a few years?

I'm not excluding sc however I am trying to spend some one on one time with my youngest which there is nothing wrong with. If I didn't do that sc would never get time alone with their dad! So it's bonding time for them too.
He's lied about his health to me and multiple people.
He's lied about his ex asking him to do things and made shit excuses up.
Lied about bus and train times to make me feel bad for not driving him everywhere.
Used his best mate for lifts.
Lied about setting up regular payments to me 3 months in a row (towards cost of my petrol driving to his child).
So many more things too these are just a few examples.
My mum and my best friend have advised me so many times to leave and that he's taking advantage. He's not paid toward the house in nearly 2 years yet pays half his ex mortgage. There is a lot of reason why resentment has built up. I'm not an evil bitter person.

If we leave the kids out of this - they're not the real issue, and it's not their fault.
The issue is that he lies, he contributes nothing, he makes you feel you're second best.
And these are real issues that he needs to fix if you're going to stay together.
Contributing nothing can be changed - Having agreed times for you and for sc can be done - But I'd be more worried about anyone who'd got in the habit of lying to me. If someone has that in them - the habit can be hard to break.
Try to tackle the things that can be changed, perhaps clear ground rules for you both will make him feel he doesn't need to lie. But tbh I'd always worry that if things got tough or he was stressed, the habit would come back.

Was your husband with his Ex when you met ?

It's a bit odd to be "trying to have one-on-one time" with your youngest while your SC is in the house. Seems deliberately poor timing and unkind. I don't think it's true actually - I think you're using that as your excuse for excluding your SC. To make you look like a great mum while secretly being a cruel stepmum.

You've got to end this - "blending" the families isn't working and it's not fair on the children.

And he sounds not worth having. Listen to your mum.

The lying to you and not contributing is truly disrespectful. Either it because you teact incredibly unreasonably when he tries to talk about what's happening and explain that he actually has no choice - in other wordes, you are even more disrespectful to him (cannot see how that could apply to the train times though)
Seems unlikely to be honest butI suppose it is just about possible...

or
And this seems far likelier

He's lazy, disrespectful and cowardly, finds being a decent adult challenging in what is inevitably a more difficult life to manage well than simply still being with the mother of your kids. So he wetly takes the path of least resistance and finds lying to you easier than being honest, because he has little adult conception of being a responsible adult.

I could not respect someone who disrespected and hurt me to this extent

And I don't think I could live with someone without there being respect and self-respect on both sides.

How little he must think of himself to think being a lying coward is ok.

Then end it.

You know he isn't going to change to take back control.

You can do this.

The problem is definitely your partner and his many lies.This current set up is just not working and it's obvious he's taking advantage of you as has been pointed out by your Mum and best friend.They have your best interests at heart so please listen to them.