The one who just fled DV... next steps.

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Prev thread for context:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5208090-i-would-rather-die-then-leave-but-i-cant-cope-staying?page=1

Hi all,

Sorry to be posting again.

Today is the worst day so far. I think the lingering numbness has faded and its all hitting me at once - wanting to go back, shock at what I put up with, thinking about my miscarriages, guilt at staying and the impact on my kids, worried about the future. All of it. Forget the days, today I have been working on breathing through it to get to the next hour. Its 11:20am and I dont know how to make it to tonight.

My request is this - those that left a controlling abusive relationship, did you find your happiness? Either with a new partner or by yourself. Was it worth it? Of course it is for th children and I intend on never, ever going back. But for YOU, did you ever find peace? Quell the anxiety and overthinking? Let go of the self-loathing? Learn to trust yourself? Find someone new, a normal nice person and not a raging lunatic?

Ive realised that there hasnt been a single day in over a decade I have felt truly relaxed or happy. At ease. Just sitting here wondering, will that day over come?

Yes! I am now married to a man I love and we have had more children together. And even before that I was so much happier on my own as a single parent than living under his abuse. It’s hard but you can do this and you will be happier. Lean on women’s aid for support. Keep talking on here. There are domestic abuse groups online you can also join and get support from other survivors. Have you read the Lundy Bancroft book?

https://www.docdroid.net/2fZmz40/why-does-he-do-that-pdf

Also, go into YouTube and type recovering from domestic abuse. There’s loads of videos on there you can watch that will bolster your resolve too.

well done. You’ve done something incredibly brave and you will be so glad you did one day not too far from now.

Hello!
I'm glad you're still posting.

Yes, after I left my abusive husband, with my two small children, I eventually met a new man, and we've been happily married for 25 years.

So it's possible.

But the important thing is that you have got away from an abuser. Focus on that for now. You've done the right thing for yourself and for your children.

Yes my (new but not really) DH is lovely.
I am left with scars, I rush back when he couldn’t care, I feel I have to explain myself - again, he doesn’t care.
I can breathe.
18 months ago I was diagnosed with CPTSD and am on a waiting list for therapy. It’s helped me accept the anxiety, and over thinking a lot more. I still have days of wishing I was dead, but I also have a lot to be thankful for which keeps me going.
I feel sad I didn’t leave sooner, I feel sad I’ve wasted a life and it has affected my children. I feel sad I’m not who I was

however, life is so much better. Freedom is better

Im two months since leaving. I no longer cry every day and I’m not constantly thinking about everything - the guilt of leaving , how upset they will be, how I let my children stay there for that long, how I’m technically homeless etc.
Distance and time are definitely good healers