Unsure about date

[MintChocolatexxx]

I am nearly 35 years old, desperate for a baby and to start a family. Been OLD for a few years. I have been on a couple of dates with a man who I have things in common with and think is a nice, genuine guy. But there are a few things which i'm not sure about and I find are putting me off. Are these Red Flags or should I give him a chance?

• He is 39 years old and currently lives with parents. He got into debt when travelling a few years back and moved back home to clear it. He says he has now lived there for 2 years. He wants to look to rent his own place again but seems in no hurry to do it, when I ask him if he has been looking, he hasn't and says he will in the new year. He has lived away from home since the age of 20 apart from the last couple of years.

• Says he has never had a proper relationship. He says hes had flings but nothing ever serious, he says he just never met anyone.

• Works for a small family business doing the admin/office work and has for a number of years, no ambition of any kind and happy doing this.

• Admitted he has low self esteem and doesn't seem very confident. I find confidence an attractive trait in men, so this is a bit of a turn off

I am in management, perhaps not on the best salary though, but I have managed to get a deposit together and I have a mortgage on a 1 bed flat, it has been hard on my own. My goal for the next few years would be to meet someone, sell my flat, and buy a small home together to start a family in. My concern would be that he won't have anything to bring to this and I wouldn't want to buy a house with him when I have done all the 'hard work' in saving for my deposit and paying my mortgage whilst he has nothing.

I suppose i'm enjoying getting to know him, but find these things on my mind and not sure if I should continue OLD in the hopes of meeting someone more solvent as I worry I could get into a bad situation starting a family with this person. Don't want to loose anything I have worked hard for but also don't want to lose my chance to have a baby with a nice person I have things in common with and could see potential with.

This man has been unable or unwilling to progress in a relationship, buy a house or advance in a career in twenty years.

Nothing about that screams partner material. You might get a commitment but you would be doing the heavy lifting here

Don't do it.

Apart from anything else, you want to have kids with someone else who wants to have kids.

This guy isn't bothered. He's just floating through life.

And trust me, being the only adult in a relationship is exhausting. You don't want to bring up kids with someone like that.

I'd swerve this one @MintChocolatexxx but it's up to you

Of course they are.

But arguably, so are you atm.

I know 'body clock ticking' can make us worry. But when you're feeling anxious about it, that's time to step back from dating. Otherwise a. You may settle for the wrong man just to have kids. And b. That's not fair on the man either as he deserves someone who actually loves him.

I'm going to be harsh op as I feel you need to hear it: kids are not an entitlement. They are something you do when and if you find someone you love, who is compatible and suitable for parenthood. Otherwise, children just aren't relevant. Unless you feel you want to do it alone.

The desire for children is valid but if its causing you to give men who are walking red flags second chances...you need to put it on the back burner for now. Consider other dreams.

I don't think any of those things are red flags in themselves but they're obviously incompatible with what you want in a partner, and if you weren't desperate to start a family you wouldn't even think about a relationship with him.