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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Been made to feel like shit again.

16 replies

novembernovember24 · 23/11/2024 09:58

So, I have a friend (well if that's what you can call her) basically be weird with me for a while now. She got close to a school mum at the start of the year and is always with her, they see each other every morning and afternoon as they walk to the school together.

Since she's been friends with her I've been made to feel like the third wheel again.

There was an incident in July where I was completely mugged off and they left me without telling me they was and I was left in town on my own when we all went together and they told me they would come back as my friend needed food but they didn't they went home.

The last few weeks she's been weird with me, I've seen her once in three weeks, the last time I saw her she said to me as I was about to leave I wanted to have a few drinks this weekend but 'the other woman' couldn't she has plans so I said oh I'll come and have drinks with you if you want she said oh I've made plans now, she didn't even ask me and it made me feel shit because I felt like as the other woman couldn't she didn't want too.

Then last week I said why don't we take the babies too soft play Wednesday (this was Monday) she said I don't know if I can but I'll let you know, she never got back to me. Then yesterday she said have you got a baby sitter for the 7th? I said the 7th?? She went yeah me and the other woman have a Xmas meal with the Zumba group and we are going out out after, I told you this a few months ago ( she never told me!) she tells me two weeks knowing I have to have notice as I don't have anyone to have the kids and find it hard to find anyone, I said to her I prob won't get a sitter as I have the kids that weekend as they aren't at their dads she then said oh no hope you can come. I just feel like I'm being pushed out and it always happens with me I don't know what I do wrong or if I say something to upset people but this always happens. I'm soo pissed off I don't know whether to mention all this to her or just leave her to it, if honest I can't be bothered too keep chasing for a friendship that clearly isn't actually a friendship. Friends don't ditch you or make you feel like that do they? I think this friendship is done if honest as I can't be bothered with it anymore after the incident in July where she apologised and brought me flowers and chocolates to say sorry I thought we was ok but she is still making me feel like this.

It's soo hard making friends in your 30's am I being over the top? Overthinking? Or is she actually just being an asshole and I'm right in feeling this way?

OP posts:
YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 23/11/2024 10:01

I would definitely bow out of this one, it sounds like the signals have been pretty clear that she values the other friendship over yours. It's hard but she does have every right to choose who she is friends with and who she spends her time with, but she absolutely should not be doing things like leaving you in town. I would just withdraw with dignity!

novembernovember24 · 23/11/2024 10:03

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 23/11/2024 10:01

I would definitely bow out of this one, it sounds like the signals have been pretty clear that she values the other friendship over yours. It's hard but she does have every right to choose who she is friends with and who she spends her time with, but she absolutely should not be doing things like leaving you in town. I would just withdraw with dignity!

Yeah I think that's what I'm going to do, just slowly back away and leave it.

I really did value our friendship but it seems as though hers and this other woman's friendship is valued more. I've been friends with this woman for three years and it just saddens me that this has happened I didn't think she was like this if honest. It's quite upsetting. 😔

OP posts:
NotStayingIn · 23/11/2024 10:03

I’m so sorry that she’s being so horrible to you.

I honestly think you need to decide right now: NEVER AGAIN. Do not keep putting yourself in a position where you end up being treated so unfairly.

Cut her out and focus on yourself, your children, hobbies etc. Much more lovely people will eventually show up to take up the space left by that utter bitch.

novembernovember24 · 23/11/2024 10:04

NotStayingIn · 23/11/2024 10:03

I’m so sorry that she’s being so horrible to you.

I honestly think you need to decide right now: NEVER AGAIN. Do not keep putting yourself in a position where you end up being treated so unfairly.

Cut her out and focus on yourself, your children, hobbies etc. Much more lovely people will eventually show up to take up the space left by that utter bitch.

Honestly I'm just done with it. I'm not going to keep trying all the time. I will leave this friendship slowly.

OP posts:
Gonk123 · 23/11/2024 10:07

Walk away from it as you are only getting upset by it and it has been long enough by the sounds of things. Leave them to it and focus on yourself…put your energy into reaching out to other potential friends rather than one that is letting you know she isn’t invested in you anymore.

tribpot · 23/11/2024 10:19

I will leave this friendship slowly.
I don't think you even need to leave it slowly. Just be vague when she contacts you (use her own trick of 'I'm not sure, I'll get back to you' and then don't) and don't offer any of your time. It sounds like she's almost enjoying putting you down - why did she tell you she wanted to go out for drinks but the other woman wasn't available, except to get you to offer to go out with her, so she could say no? Sod that for a game of soldiers.

Pleasegetchristmasoverwith · 23/11/2024 10:25

It's not you OP , it's her. Decent people don't behave in that hurtful and unpleasant way. She's behaving like a cliquey school child with her new best pal.
Don't bother to get in touch with her. And be non committal and vague if she contacts you.
And concentrate on your children and your own life. Try and widen your social circle as much as you can and hopefully you will meet up with new people worthy of your friendship.

novembernovember24 · 23/11/2024 10:33

tribpot · 23/11/2024 10:19

I will leave this friendship slowly.
I don't think you even need to leave it slowly. Just be vague when she contacts you (use her own trick of 'I'm not sure, I'll get back to you' and then don't) and don't offer any of your time. It sounds like she's almost enjoying putting you down - why did she tell you she wanted to go out for drinks but the other woman wasn't available, except to get you to offer to go out with her, so she could say no? Sod that for a game of soldiers.

No you're absolutely right, why even do it slowly just say what she says when she contacts me.

Just feel a little upset about it all.

OP posts:
novembernovember24 · 23/11/2024 10:34

Pleasegetchristmasoverwith · 23/11/2024 10:25

It's not you OP , it's her. Decent people don't behave in that hurtful and unpleasant way. She's behaving like a cliquey school child with her new best pal.
Don't bother to get in touch with her. And be non committal and vague if she contacts you.
And concentrate on your children and your own life. Try and widen your social circle as much as you can and hopefully you will meet up with new people worthy of your friendship.

Edited

To be honest I've lost a few friends over the last 4 years and I don't even want to meet new people. It's really put me off. I think I'll just do me for a while. I don't really trust anyone anymore.

OP posts:
novembernovember24 · 23/11/2024 10:35

Gonk123 · 23/11/2024 10:07

Walk away from it as you are only getting upset by it and it has been long enough by the sounds of things. Leave them to it and focus on yourself…put your energy into reaching out to other potential friends rather than one that is letting you know she isn’t invested in you anymore.

Yes I plan to walk away from this one. I just cannot be bothered with it anymore. Always feeling second best all the time.

OP posts:
pl228 · 23/11/2024 10:37

Don't chase a friendship with this nasty woman.

I would ignore her messages from now on. If challenged, say oh sorry must have forgotten. Move on, leave this woman behind.

DeliciousApples · 23/11/2024 10:38

Maybe the way to look at it is that you deserve a nicer friend and that'll come in due course out if the blue once you let that horrible one loose.

It really is her loss.

Pleasegetchristmasoverwith · 23/11/2024 10:44

novembernovember24 · 23/11/2024 10:34

To be honest I've lost a few friends over the last 4 years and I don't even want to meet new people. It's really put me off. I think I'll just do me for a while. I don't really trust anyone anymore.

You doing you sounds a perfectly reasonable thing to do. So long as it is a positive thing: building up your feelings of self worth and independence.

But I would still make sure that if you did meet anyone that you liked and felt you could get along with that you kept yourself open to the prospect of a friendship with them. It would be sad if you shut yourself off from people long term because of your bad experiences.

novembernovember24 · 23/11/2024 10:54

Pleasegetchristmasoverwith · 23/11/2024 10:44

You doing you sounds a perfectly reasonable thing to do. So long as it is a positive thing: building up your feelings of self worth and independence.

But I would still make sure that if you did meet anyone that you liked and felt you could get along with that you kept yourself open to the prospect of a friendship with them. It would be sad if you shut yourself off from people long term because of your bad experiences.

I think I will in time, it’s just a lot of people have broken my trust over the last few years. I’ve lost other friends not for my own doing but through theirs, this is just the cherry on the cake for me. I will end up having friends in the future but for now I think it’s best to say I’m done with it.

OP posts:
novembernovember24 · 23/11/2024 10:55

DeliciousApples · 23/11/2024 10:38

Maybe the way to look at it is that you deserve a nicer friend and that'll come in due course out if the blue once you let that horrible one loose.

It really is her loss.

It is her loss. My view of friendship is clear and normal in my opinion. I suppose others see it differently. So for me I’m done for it now as I don’t feel she is a friend anymore.

OP posts:
novembernovember24 · 23/11/2024 10:55

pl228 · 23/11/2024 10:37

Don't chase a friendship with this nasty woman.

I would ignore her messages from now on. If challenged, say oh sorry must have forgotten. Move on, leave this woman behind.

This is what I plan on doing.

OP posts:
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