My mums relationship with her “new man”

[Hellskitchen24]

My mums met someone on line dating. I’ve raised my concerns and she says I’m being ridiculous and that it’s just a bit of fun. I’ve recently found out he’s long term unemployed, doesn’t have any money, and doesn’t have his own property but sofa surfs between his friends. He’s not retirement age by the way and neither is my mum. My mum works full time and has her own house.

I totally get she’s a grown woman and can do whatever she wants, but am I in the wrong for raising my concerns? I’m really protective of my mum, and I’m surprised she thinks this man is so fabulous because he’s the opposite of her! She works really hard and is ambitious, he’s not worked in years and has no ambition. In my head she deserves someone who can offer her more. Would you have said anything or should I just keep out of it?

It's her life but he's got Potential Cocklodger written all over him.
Just a bit of fun is fine if the quid pro quo is she pays/hosts, he's entertaining/shags. FWB? It will only go awry if she catches feelings, I think the phrase goes. But up to her what she does in her own home/who she sees.

You can only pick your moment and make all of these very valid points crystal clear to her. After that 🤷🏼‍♀️ …. let her get on with it and don’t be tempted to say “I told you so” when he wants to move in and is sponging off her 😏

Sounds like a hobosexual to me. I'd be very concerned too.

I'd be worried too, have you met him yet? All you can do is spell out all the warning signs to your Mum and hope she listens.

I wouldn't go on a date with a man who doesn't work. Can you tell her you refuse to meet him as you can't stand lazy bastards. And just hope he doesn't move in with her.

Oooh, what’s what?? Call me stupid lol

No but my sister has and has said he’s “nice”. I am sure he is nice but it doesn’t change all of the above!

I imagine a homeless person who takes up with women in order to fet somewhere to live

I’ve said I’m really not keen on meeting him as I don’t really “get” it. He could be the nicest funniest bloke ever, but I don’t get the point in being in a relationship with someone where you can’t afford to do literally anything!

Good god. I would like to think she’s not that stupid!

No one falls in love quicker than a homeless guy.

How have you "recently found out", who has told you all this negative info?

My mum! She was being really sketchy when I asked where he lived, what he did for a living, and sort of skirted around it. Presumably as she knew what my reaction would be. Then she came clean about it a week or so ago.

Unemployed, homeless men, are very good at finding women to house, feed, clothe them by being 'entertaining', funny, sometimes helpful & either loving or sexy (occasionally both) and single muddled women fall for it (said as a middle aged woman). Especially if brought up to be a people pleaser! Wanting to feel loved & not be single can strip away common sense.

id tackle it with mum I know you say it's 'just a bit of fun'. & that's great, but I'm worried. You work hard & have your own home etc & I'd hate to see you hurt by falling for him & him using you. He's homeless & I expect he's hoping to move in with you. He doesn't work so you'll be paying for everything. I don't see that being 'fun' do you, really?! I'm sure it's not always great being single but you deserve something WAY better than this situation!!

maje her feel 'worth more' rather than stupid/gullibile & past attracting good men.

Forbid her seeing him again.
Tell her she’s grounded until she can be trusted not to do anything silly.

You must put a stop to this, for her own benefit.
😉😁😁

Oh blimey ld be upset too.

I would also get more forceful and rant something like this,,,,
'Mum, what the fuck are you doing wasting time with a lazy unemployed bastard, I hope he isn't claiming benefits as they are for people on low incomes and who need the support to look after their families. What's his reason for not working, is he signed off sick, got anxiety. it wouldn't be so bad if he was doing voluntary work in his spare time but if he's doing nothing all day, what does he have to talk about, what's his ambition in life? It's your own life but whatever you do don't let him move in with you, he will obviously bring nothing to the table and you'll lose you council tax discount. Actually I would say to him 'look Dave I'm happy for us to date but you won't be living with me as I like my own space' his reaction will tell you everything, if he drops you quicker than a hot brick and is out looking for the next woman to mug off you will know exactly what he wanted from you',

My friends sister has one of these. It's such an on off relationship. Her argument is that the sex is fantastic. She's 63 and won't be advised. He moves in and out regularly. He's a musician 🙄

Yep. You said he was sofa surfing, so basically someone who takes up with anyone who can provide a home.